Top 40 Funny Status

Life is hard, which is why it is important to find the reason to smile. That is why we have prepared for you Funny Status quotes because you must keep on smiling and being happy for one reason. That is the way people should be.
If there is someone that you want to see laugh or smile, then this is perfect for you!
Here are some of the funniest statuses that you can try out:

If your enemies are smart and you cannot seem to convince them, then do your best to confuse them.


Isn’t it funny that awesome somehow ends with the word ME whereas ugly starts with the letter U?


Do not dare copy my status or you will receive immediate karma.


Stop expecting the unexpected because it just makes the unexpected to be expected.

Now I believe that light travels faster than sound, after all it makes sense that most people seems so bright until they begin to speak.


!f y0u c4n r43d th!s th3n y0u 4r3 4w3$0m3!


This pig, is pig, a pig, good pig, way pig, to pig, keep pig, a pig, idiot pig, busy pig, for pig, 30 pig, seconds pig! … Now try reading it and remove the word pig.


Almost all people want to go to this so called heaven but none of them are truly willing to die.


Do not argue with idiots; they will drag your brain down, almost to their level.


Sometimes, I think that a lie could have been a great story, if it were not for the truth.


The road less traveled by might be less traveled because of a certain reason.


The only time where success will come before work is: the dictionary


Do not bother trying to hit kids. Why? Well, they carry guns now and you do not want to get shot.


I love bookstores; they are probably one of the few evidences that people still think on their own.


Doctors say that an apple a day will keep them away but if somehow you find that your doctor is cute, then forget all about that fruit.


If someone is stuck in your mind and you cannot find a way to get them out of there, then maybe they are meant to stay there.



If you were dumb enough to let me go back then, I will be smart enough not to ever come back to you again.


I just want to kill that hottest person alive but sadly, suicide is one of the crimes I do not want to commit.


I just had to take some sick leave, I am so sick of all those people.


Okay so I still do miss him but I am certainly aiming to get better!


The pain would not easily go away, it might take some time to remove it but it will heal your scars.


Maybe I do not want to see that everyone is happy because I feel like all the happiness have left me.


Never judge someone from their looks, judge them for the way their outfit looks and where they seem to come from and you will see how rich that person is.


Don’t judge me because of mine awesome Facebook status.


You know the two words that all guys dislike in this world? It’s Stop and Don’t, unless of course, they are said next to each other.


Do not judge someone unless you have walked at least a mile in their shoes. Only they would be barefoot and a mile away from you when you do that.


You know what you should get? Not a man, nor a woman but a dog. Why? Well they are very loyal and they also die a bit sooner.


Forget about drinking while driving, the drink gets wasted if you spill it.


You want to know a good way to help the earth and save paper? Do not do your homework.


Have you ever thanked God yet that you have ever met such an amazing and intelligent person like me?


Never think that you are some kind of ugly person, what you should do instead is to think about yourself as a monkey that is very beautiful.


If we get into a battle, it’s either I win or you die.


Best Funny Facebook status ever

When you win, you certainly deserve some champagne. When you lose, that is the moment you need it.


You know what? I’m such an excellent housekeeper. In every divorce I got into, I always seem to keep our house.


Life is very short, so you might as well eat fast.


I want to congratulate you so much that my middle finger is already giving you the tallest standing ovation out of my hand.


I have always wished that history is written in paper with a pencil and not set in stone because there are totally some pages that I want to erase or at least tear apart.


It is really funny how all the news in this world somehow fits in the length of a newspaper.


I have always wondered why stores that seem to have a 24/7 service still has locks on their doors.


Most of the times, it is easier to just say sorry than to get their permission.


Stop taking life a little bit too seriously since you would not be getting out alive anyway.


If it is true that common sense is common, why is it that a lot of people do not have it?


When it seems that nothing is going right, try to turn left.


Whenever I think that I have found the key to my success, it always seem to be stolen by somebody else.


You know what my mind is like? It is like lightning; it flashes so bright for one moment and then gone by the next.


Always remember that you should not go to bed when you are mad, keep the fight and stay up.


You should learn to accept exactly who you truly are, unless you are some serial killer out loose.


I wanted to but did not attend the day of his funeral but I am assured since I sent a very nice letter that says I approved it.


If somehow, a book that discusses failure sells out well, does that mean that the book is a success?


Do you want to know why they all call it to be American Dream? Simply because you need to be asleep in order to believe it.


20 Funny Whatsapp status messages

Forget about being open minded. If you do it too much, your brain might just fall out.


My Whatsapp status for today, only stupid people need advice.


If it seems that you cannot marry the person you truly love, then at least marry someone who is very rich!


When a woman says that she is not mad at you, think of it as your dentist telling you that you would not feel the pain of pulling your tooth.


I did not become a vegetarian because I am not fond of animals. In reality, I became a vegetarian because I have a strong dislike of plants.


My ex broke up with me and then sent me pictures of her new boyfriend and her together. You know what I did? I forwarded the messages to her dad.


What is certainly behind every great man is a beautiful woman rolling her beloved eyes.


80% of the men in this world have girlfriends; the remaining 20% have brains


My phone is super annoying. It does not let me text nor call because it has a low battery but it has enough to keep telling me, Low battery, please charge immediately.


Never ever laugh at any of the choices that your wife makes because if you ever forget, you are one of them.


If an apple really keeps the doctors away, whatever happens to the doctor’s wife?


I have the perfect amount of money to spend for the rest of my awesome life, unless I decide to buy something.


I have always dreamt about being a billionaire just like my father does. He dreams about it too.


At the very least, mosquitoes seem to be attracted to me.


I believe that God is very creative. After all, just look at my face.


When you are supposed to stay quiet, everything suddenly seems funnier.


I kind of love living in this world full of fantasies so as much as possible, please do keep your reality far, far away from my world.


It is not possible to buy love but then you still have to spend some money for it.


I am so available! Please keep on disturbing me.


There are times when all you really need is to feel loved. Hahahaha. I was just kidding, you certainly need money more.


I have always wished that there is an extra day between Saturday and Sunday so I can extend my weekend.


Often times, I talk to myself so that I can assure that I am talking to an intelligent species.


You want to know the only problem with your face? You do not seem good at hiding it.


I am sorry, it seems that I have over-estimated the extent of your brain cells.


When you see people talking about you behind your back, the best thing to do is to fart.


You think I am sarcastic but it just so happens that my intelligence is far beyond yours.


My ex-boyfriend has this super annoying habit of breathing.


I am totally in shape! Can you see it? I’m round.


You want to hear a funny thought? If the world did not continue on sucking, we would all eventually fall out.


I may be a bit overweight but fat is nothing, I can easily lose some weight, but you’re face has no hope in changing.


They say that knowledge is power and power is corrupting so just keep on studying hard so you can become evil.


You want to know what they call the winner of a rat race? A rat.


I am so not last, I am just on what is better known as energy saving mode.


If he only wants your thighs, your legs and your breasts, then just let him go to KFC.


When someone says Good morning on a Monday, just slap that person.


Nobody needs a television anymore especially when there is Facebook.


Conserve water and just drink beer.

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