Mothers Day Jokes To Put On A Card

Mothers Day Jokes To Put On A Card

You’re already planning to pamper Mom with some heartfelt gifts and breakfast in bed. Now all that’s missing is the perfect card. You could go the sentimental Hallmark route, but that’s no fun. Instead, choose a greeting that’s as funny as she (thinks she) is. These picks will have you both laughing ’till you cry.

Who knew schoolyard drama could be so interesting, right?

funny mother's day cards

Let’s be honest, it took years for Mom to figure out how to fold the fitted sheet.

funny mother's day cards

Sorry, Dad. But it’s true (and Mom so knows it).

funny mother's day cards

Because your love of puns naturally came from your mother.funny mother's day cards

She really is the fairest of them all.funny mother's day cards

If you’re the spitting image of your mom, then you’re a stunner. It’s a compliment!funny mother's day cards

Finally! Something she told you to do stuck!funny mother's day cards

It wasn’t personal, promise.Text, Pattern, Design, Font, Paper, Paper product,

Cheers!

funny mother's day cards

You owe her. Like, really owe her.mother's day cards

Everything she told you when you were in middle school in one place.funny mother's day cards

“Moooooom — I need something.” –You, your entire life.mother's day cards

All that hard work paid off.Text, Font, Paper product, Paper, Illustration,

Mom jeans > dad jokes.mother's day cards

Don’t tell Dad!

Font, Text, Pink, Product, Poster, Paper product, Magenta, Paper,

How did she do it!?Pink, Product, Text, Yellow, Font, Material property, Illustration, Paper, Paper product, Greeting card,

Maybe now she’ll get the hint.Text, Font, Logo, Paper, Paper product, Brand,

For when you know exactly where your sense of humor comes from.funny mother's day cards

The perfect card from her favorite college student.mother's day cards

25 Funny Mother’s Day Jokes

Make your mom laugh out loud with these funny Mother’s Day jokes. Hint: They’d be great inside that homemade card that you’re not going to forget to make for your mom.

Mother's Day joke header


 


Mom No. 1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning?
Mom No. 2: I just put the cat on the bed.
Mom No. 1: How does that help?
Mom No. 2: The dog’s already there.

Joke submitted by Stephen C., Salem, Va.


Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes, son.Why?
Baby snake: I just bit my tongue!

Joke submitted by Mark R., Barrington, R.I.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Chris: Why is a computer so smart?
Mom: It listens to its motherboard.

Joke submitted by Christopher W., Gladwyne, Pa.


Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

Joke submitted by Steven F. II, Naperville, Ill.


Comic by Scott Nickel


A book never written: “Mom Cars” by Minnie Vann.

Joke submitted by Jakob S., Olathe, Kan.


Kendon: Why was the mother firefly so happy?
Bryan: Why?
Kendon: Because her children were all so bright.

Joke submitted by Kendon L., Elk Grove, Calif.


Comic by Scott Masear


Sunday school teacher: Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?
Johnny: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.

Joke submitted by Matthew W. , San Antonio, Tex.


Doug: I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all.
Dan: How do you know?
Doug: She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.

Joke submitted by Doug D., Wellington, Fla.


Comic by Scott Nickel


Ryan: Why did you chop the joke book in half?
John: Mom said to cut the comedy.

Joke submitted by John C., Granbury, Tex.


Erin: What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?
Fran: What?
Erin: “We’re gonna have a BB!”

Joke submitted by Erin K., Tallahassee, Fla.


Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!

Joke submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.


A mother is trying to get her son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” she says.

“How do you know?” the boy asks.

The mother replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”

Joke submitted by Niles L., Acton, Mass.


Elephant: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Hippo: I give up.
Elephant: Because their kids have to play inside!

Joke submitted by Jake P., Omaha, Neb.


Matthew: What did the mother rope say to her child?
Jim: What?
Matthew: “Don’t be knotty.”

Joke submitted by Matthew C., DeRidder, La.


Daffynition: Minimum—A small mother.

Joke submitted by Matthew St., St. James, Mo.


A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

“See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”

Joke submitted by William E., Morganton, N.C.


Jack: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Bill: What?
Jack: It’s time to go to sweep!

Joke submitted by Matt S. N., Cedar Rapids, Iowa.


Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!

Joke submitted by Jake T., Worcester, Mass.


Robbie: Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?
Bobbie: East?
Robbie: No. Larry.

Joke submitted by Robbie B., Quarryville, Pa.


Daffynition: Sweater—something you wear when your mother gets cold.

Joke submitted by Danny L., San Marcos, Calif.


Pee Wee: What did the digital clock say to its mother?
Westy: What?
Pee Wee: “Look, Ma! No hands!”

Joke submitted by Jairo S., Bakersfield, Calif.


Ben: How come the mother needle got mad at the baby needle?
Jerry: I dunno.
Ben: It was way past its threadtime!

Funny Mother’s Day Card Messages to Send Mom This Year

Can you think of a better way to let mama know you love than by sending a funny Mother’s Day card her way! She’s the one who’s been there in times of joy, times of tears, and times of fears. She’s always there for you. This is the day to thank her for all the sleepless nights, good advice, and all the days she wished you really would run away, but still kept you around anyway. Here are 51 funny Mother’s Day messages to inspire.

Funny Mother’s Day Card From Her Favorite Child

You’re the favorite. Everyone knows it. Well maybe just you and mom know it, but now’s the time to remind everyone just how loved you are.
1. “Happy Mother’s Day! Love you so much. Thank you for giving birth to me! You’re a mother like no other. Love, Your Favorite Child.”
2. “Happy Mother’s Day from your favorite child! This is [your name], by the way… Hope the world’s greatest mom has the world’s greatest mother’s day!”
3. “Happy Mother’s Day to the coolest mom! Although you didn’t raise me to be an asshole, you did raise a pretty weird and awkward one instead. I just naturally inherited the asshole from you, hehe. Love, Your Favorite child and the other smaller ones.”
4. “Thanks for putting up with an annoying, spoiled, ungrateful child like my brother. Love,
Your Favorite Son”
5. “Sorry about all your other children. At least you have me! Love, Your Favorite.”
6. “Dear Momma, No matter what life throws at you, at least you can be grateful you don’t have ugly children! From, The Pretty One / The Favorite One”
7. “Hi Mom, I want to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. I love you very much! Thanks for all the sacrifices you’ve made for me to be who I am today. Love, Your Favorite Child. If not your favorite child, your favorite son. Just in case I’m not your favorite son, this is from [your name].”

We recommend:

Mother Knows Best Elephants
Thanks For Not Raising An Asshole!

Funny Mother’s Day Card for Punny Moms

Bring a little laughter into mom’s life for all the joy she’s brought into yours. Add a quirky doodle to bring the puns to life and your card will be sure to win the glorified spot on the front of the fridge.
8. “You did a GRAPE job RAISIN me! Thanks for sticking around even when I was WINE-y. I love you a BUNCH and will forever be GRAPE-ful for you.”
9. “You’re the BERRY best, mom. Thanks for always CHICKEN on me. If moms were flowers, I’d PICK you. Happy Mother’s Day!”
10. “OLIVE you from my head TOMATOES, mom! You BUTTER believe it!”
11. “I have so MUSHROOM in my heart for you.”
12. “Thanks for the WOMB & board all those years ago!”
13. “Hope you have a MOM-umental day & know how appreciated you truly are.”
14. “Here’s a little MOM-mento to mark this occasion. Happy Mother’s Day!”
15. “When I was stuck, you always gave me the MOM-mentum I needed to get going again.”
16. “You da MOM! Now go treat yourself to a bath bomb, courtesy of yours truly. Happy Mother’s Day!”
17. “Mom – You’re one in a MELON!”
18. “Words cannot ESPRESSO how much I love you.”
19. “I DONUT know what I would do without you, Mom.”
20. “Not many moms put up with butt jokes and also have a perfect butt. BUTT, that’s what makes you so special. Happy Mother’s Day!”
21. “I love you a BUSHEL and a PECK!”

We recommend:

Mom Thank You For Raisin Me
Mom Thanks For The Great Genes

Funny Mother’s Day Card That Rhymes

Maybe mom doesn’t love puns… So how about a spruced up childhood rhyme instead?
22. “Roses are red, violets are blue. There’s no other mother as cool as you!”
23. “Roses are red, violets look like rugs. I need you to come here and give me some snugs!”
24. “Roses are red, violets are blue. I turned out pretty cool, all because of you!”
25. “You’re the bee’s knees, the cat’s meow, the dog’s bark and the wonder in woman.”

We recommend:

Strong Like A Mother

Funny Mother’s Day Card With Favorite Things

Whether you have the capacity to give her her favorite things or not, it’s the thought that counts and she’ll be so happy to know that you pay enough attention to know what she holds dear.
26. “Instead of grandchildren, here’s a card. Happy Mother’s Day!”
27. “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Hope you have a wonderful day with great weather, good food and just the right amount of wine (whatever that may be). Love and miss you!”
28. “I also got you your fave wine. After all, I know I’m one of the reasons you drink. Sorry mom. I love you, though.”
29. “Hola, mi madre. Let’s be honest, there’s no topping my last card, so a bunch of flowers that you can’t kill will have to do. But seriously, I love you and am so thankful for our relationship and all you are to us and all you do for us. Happy Mother’s Day!”

We recommend:

9 Months Wineless
Candy, Wine & True Crime

Funny Mother’s Day Card with a Bundle of Thanks

Sometimes the best thing to say is thank you. Even if you say it in a funny way, the message is the same: thanks for being the most awesome mom ever!
30. “Happy Mother’s Day! Thanks for giving me and my brother life, and thanks for not taking it back in our teen  years! Remember that no matter what life throws at you, at least you made good looking children! I love and appreciate you.”
31. “I don’t know how you do it all, but whatever you did worked since I turned out so great! You’ve raised me to be a self-sufficient person (who can do his own laundry) and I am forever grateful. Happy Mother’s Day!”
32. “Dear Mom, Thank you for being my moral inspiration, leading defender and provider of genetic matter. Your energy and character are truly unique and I am lucky to have you as a mom! Happy Mother’s Day!”
33. “Mom, thanks for teaching me to be LOGICAL: ‘Because I said so, that’s why!’, IRONIC: ‘Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about!’, and WISE: ‘ When you get to my age, you’ll understand.’ Happy Mother’s Day!”
34. “I feel bad for other people, because I clearly got the best mom out there! Happy Mother’s Day! Thanks for being the best!!”
35. “I was blessed from day one to have you as my mother. You are sweet, loving, patient, forgiving and pretty darn hilarious. Thank you for putting in the time to make me the person I am today. Happy Mother’s Day!”
36. “Mama, Thank you for taking such good care of us. You play with us, feed us, and whisper sweet nothings to us. You’re the best mommy a plant could ask for! We promise to always remain beautiful and make you smile! Happy Mother’s Day! XOXO, Your plant babies.”
37. “Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for always being the nicest lady around… even if you had a bad day at work, feel like crap and have a headache. Thank you for being awesome.”
38. “Mom – We hope you know your biological children, your student children, your geese children and bebop are all thinking of you warmly on Mother’s Day! That’s quite a gaggle! We hope you have the most lovely day as it’s certainly well deserved!”
39. “Happy Mother’s Day, mama! Thank you for being my best friend, for being there to make me laugh, to help me try new things, to support me when I cry and, obviously, for changing my diaper.”
40. “Happy Mother’s Day from your favorite assholes. Thanks for putting up with us – we have nominated you for sainthood for your efforts. We hope the wine, ice cream and lawn games make up for at least a little of our reign of terror. We love you very much!”
41. “Mom! Happy Mother’s Day! Thanks for not raising an a-hole. You have managed to raise three fairly great kids, and we’re all better for having you as a mom. I love you, and I hope you have an amazing day!”
42. “Thank you for not putting me up for adoption. I’m sure there were days it was tempting! Happy Mother’s Day!”
43. “To my greatest teacher, friend and cheapest therapist! Thankful to have the best mama in the world. Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother and you did a great job raising me to be awesome!”
44. “Happy Mother’s Day to the woman who taught me everything I know about judging idiots in the office and standing up for myself (because if I don’t, nobody will!). Thank you for everything. Love you so much!”

We recommend:

Thank You for Giving Birth
Kids Are Assholes

Funny Mother’s Day Card With the Best Recipes

If your mom loves to bake or even if she just loves to snack on baked goods, a specialized recipe is such a fun way to thank her for all the heart she puts into every moment.
45. “My Favorite Momtini: 1 oz class, 2 oz sass, 1 oz putting up with crap. Shake, serve, and enjoy!”
46. “Mom Recipe: 1 tbsp listening, 2 tsp compassion, 1 cup patience, 3 cups laughter, a pinch as hard as you can. Bring all together with warmth and joy. Raise to temperature, then let cool. Enjoy for many years of love and kindness.”
47. “Ohhh Mother, what would I do without you? You’re my go-to when I don’t know the recipe to something. When I have gossip. When I’m bored. You’re one of the strongest people I know and no matter what life throws at you, at least you don’t have ugly children!”
48. “Momma – I’m so lucky you got stuck with me. Thanks for always being honest with me, pushing me to be better, and reminding me it’s ok to use boxed baking mixes. I hope you know that we appreciate you not just today, but every day. You’re my favorite mom.”
49. “Mom, Thank you for being the best mom and grandma in the world! Could not have made it this far without all your love and support. Thank you for always picking up the phone for one of my many cooking questions and for loving us no matter what!”

We recommend:

To One Bad Mother
Best Mom Ever Yellow Flowers

Funny Mother’s Day Card Referencing Pop Culture

Maybe your mom is a cool mom and gets all the pop culture references! Try adding one of these to her Mother’s Day card:
50. “Happy Mother’s Day! Hope it’s as special as Moira is eccentric. In the words of Moira: ‘This wine is awful. Get me another glass.’ Love you!”
51. “Happy Mother’s Day! You are the SCHITT! Thank you for being the best mum. I miss you so much and can’t wit to see you soon. I’m counting down the days!”

 

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