Memorial Day Jokes

A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him.

“What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman.

“All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked.

The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.”

The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”

What is a cow’s favorite holiday?

Moomorial Day.

What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a group of veterans parading towards them on Memorial Day?

You gotta Mufasa.

Memorial Day Weekend Funny Quotes. QuotesGram

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. “My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper.”

“A paratrooper?” asked the teacher, who was awed.

“Yes, please look closer – you can see his jump badge.”

Second was Joe. “My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor.”

“A doctor?” Asked the teacher, who was moved.

“Yeah, see? That’s a stethoscope hanging around her neck.”

Third was little Johnny, “This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician.”

“An electrician?” Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

“Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet.”

If you want to avoid traffic this Memorial Day then avoid traveling on Memorial Way Weekend.

Little Johnny asked his mother during the Memorial Day Parade, “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?”

“Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?”

“There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.” he replied.

The mother responded, “Oh, that’s because most vets who go to heaven get there by a close shave.”

livememe.com - American Eagle

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America.

The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

America: Where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales.

I wished everyone a Happy Memorial Day.

None of them responded.

Any tips or ideas on what to do for Memorial Day?

I forgot what to do.

What’s the best part about having Memorial Day off?

Three straight days without a school shooting.

My favorite Memorial Day tradition is spilling BBQ sauce on my white pants.

How many feet are in a yard?

It depends how many people have come to the Memorial Day barbecue.

The only traffic I plan to encounter this Memorial Day weekend is on the internet.

Lots of people don’t have to work today.

Which is why my motto is “Live every day like it’s Memorial Day”.

It’s going to be a hot Memorial Day weekend, so our town’s ice store is having a liquidation sale.

I hope bad weather doesn’t ruin the Memorial Day plans I didn’t make.

On the occasion of Memorial Day, I just want to remind you that one good thing that you can do for the nation is not going into the army.

My Memorial Day weekend will be a vacation from listening to your plans for Memorial Day weekend.

Happy Memorial Day to someone who gets post-traumatic stress from watching Saving Private Ryan in HD.

.

This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer.

The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off.

I hope it doesn’t rain on Memorial Day.

Or else we’re going to have a lot of spare ribs.

MEMORIAL DAY JOKES

There are some memorial remembrance jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these memorial day puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong’s memorial service…

and says “Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME”

What’s the best part about having Memorial Day off?

3 straight days without a school shooting.

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. “My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper.”

“A paratrooper?” Asked the teacher, who was awed.

“Yes, please look closer — you can see his jump badge.”

Second was Joe. “My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor.”

“A doctor?” Asked the teacher, who was moved.

“Yeah, see? That’s a stethoscope hanging around her neck.”

Third was little Johnny, “This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician.”

“An electrician?” Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

“Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet”

Memorial joke, A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tel

Today’s joke from Russian-language Internet

“You know, they’ve built a George Orwell memorial in Russia!”
‘What? Where?”
“Pretty much everywhere.”

The Clintons at President Reagan’s funeral

I don’t know if any of you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, but if you did, you might’ve noticed Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.

Reagan, who never missed the opportunity for a good one-liner, raised his head out of the casket and said I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together

In memorial of Sean Connery: My favorite knock knock joke. (Say out loud for best effect)

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Dish

Dish Who?

(Said in Sean Connery accent) DISH IS SEAN CONNERY LET ME IN!

Memorial Day…respectful joke. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church

when the pastor noticed him.

“What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman.

“All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked.

The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.”

The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”

Memorial joke, Memorial Day...respectful joke. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church

How do you memorialize the death of a planet?

You write an orbituary.

Rabbits died

My neighbor’s pair of pet rabbits died unexpectedly within hours of each other. She was distraught. I suggested she go to my friend the taxidermist. When she arrived, my friend tried to console her and she asked him if he could create a memorial. “Of course”, he replied. He explained that he could stuff them and they would almost look lifelike. He asked if she would like them mounted.
“No” she said, “holding paws would be fine.”

I went to the JFK memorial museum and got to simulate his assassination in VR

It was mind blowing

I wished everyone a Happy Memorial Day..

None of them responded.

 

You can explore memorial turndown reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean memorial memory clinic dad jokes. There are also memorial puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My construction worker friend died

As a memorial everyone at his funeral stood around making themselves look busy

TIL: The Titanic was not just a passenger liner, but also a cargo ship

Among other things, it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise bound for Mexico. When Mexico heard that they would not receive it, they understandably upset, and decided to name a day in memorial of it. They called this day Cinco de Mayo.

When Dianna died, the British put up a memorial

All France got was a slow down sign

I think Kool-aid should make a Jonestown memorial flavor

But it wouldn’t be very tasteful

I worked in one of those creepy ice cream vans over Memorial Day weekend, and I must say, they really do work. I raked in the Benjamins.

Also got a couple Jacobs and Timothys as well.

Memorial joke, I worked in one of those creepy ice cream vans over Memorial Day weekend, and I must say, they reall

It’s going to be a hot Memorial Day weekend, so our town’s ice store is having a liquidation sale.

Note: Not the best joke out there, but I believe it’s OC. Let me know

“I went to the museum of death a few weeks back.”

“It’s not polite to refer to memorial museums as that.”

Scarier than funnier, but a good laugh never hurts.

-Did you hear they opened up a George Orwell memorial in the states?

-Oh really!? Where?

-Well…pretty much everywhere.

 

This Just in: Casinos in Vegas are hoping to be open by Memorial Day. I’m really excited to get back to work!

Said, the Corona Virus.

It’s been 6 years since Whitney Houston passed away

In memorial, McDonald is releasing the Whitney Houston Happy Meal.

It’s just coke and ice.

Grats on 6 years sober, Whitney Houston!

What band performed at the Jefferson memorial?

Nickelback

The Tampax 300

It’s Memorial Day and NASCAR is running the Tampax 300…

It’s completely sold out but I knew someone who got me two tickets.

I had to pull a few strings, though.

I got kicked out of the 9/11 Memorial while watching a documentary

Because I shouted JENGA! When the towers fell.

How do you get Donald Trump to visit a memorial in the rain?

Tell him the forecasts predict golden showers.

Everyone is on Trump for avoiding the WWI Memorial because of rain, but it was really Melania who didn’t want to go.

She doesn’t remember what it’s like to be wet.

How do you know the difference between a vegan and a mentally disturbed person.

Mentally disturbed people don’t hold memorial barbecues for their pet pigs.

Too Soon: Verne Troyer, the actor who played Mini-Me, has passed

The world’s smallest violin will be played at his memorial service.

This year, the White House’s Memorial Day Barbecue will be serving sliders…

Or as Trump calls them, “regular-sized hamburgers.”

Hillary Clinton collapsed at the 9/11 memorial today

Showing that she truly did not forget.

I hope it doesn’t rain on Memorial Day.

Or else we’re going to have a lot of *spare* ribs.

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