Christmas

Christmas bb

Christmas bb

Christmas bb For many kids, there was that one Christmas where they just wished and wished for a special present … but Santa had other ideas.

But the holidays were still filled with family, friends and lots of cheer. That’s the happy ending in the holiday classic, “A Christmas Story,” starring Ralphie, his brother Randy, his slew of friends, his mom and, of course, his dad — the Old Man.

After you’ve worked your way through the jolliness of “Elf” and the heart-warming “It’s a Wonderful Life,” kick back for some serious nostalgia, even if you aren’t anywhere near old enough to remember the 1940s.

Here are some of the movie’s classic lines.

'A Christmas Story'
Ralphie’s inner thoughts — some of which should have stayed in his head — provide the path for ‘A Christmas Story’ to unfold. Warner Movies on Demand/YouTube

Flick: “Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That’s dumb!”

Schwartz: “That’s ’cause you know it’ll stick!”

Flick: “You’re full of it!”

Schwartz: “Oh yeah?”

Flick: “Yeah!”

Schwartz: “Well I double-DOG-dare ya!”

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a “triple dare you”? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.”

Schwartz: “I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!”

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!”

Red Ryder guns
Ralphie didn’t want any old BB gun. S and S Imaging/Shutterstock.com

Ralphie: “I want an Official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle.”

* *

Mother: “You’ll shoot your eye out!”

* *

Randy: “I can’t put my arms down!”

Mother: “You can put your arms down when you get to school.”

Ralphie wearing his bunny pajamas
Ralphie wearing his bunny pajamas — and hanging his head in shame. Warner Bros./YouTube

The Old Man: “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.”

* *

Mother: “Ralphie, you’re lucky it didn’t cut your eye! Those icicles have been known to kill people.”

* *

Ralphie as an adult: “There has never been a kid who didn’t believe that he would be stricken blind before he reached twenty-one, and then they’d be sorry.”

The 'major award' on display at the Christmas Story House in Cleveland.
The ‘major award’ on display at the ‘Christmas Story’ house in Cleveland. Tim Evanson [CC BY-SA 2.0]/Flickr

The Old Man: “It’s a Major Award!”

* *

The Old Man: “Fragile [pronounced frageelay]. Must be Italian.”

* *

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”

Ralphie's little brother
Ralphie’s little brother, Randy, rides on The Old Man’s shoulders. Warner Bros./YouTube

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity, that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.”

* *

Randy: “Daddy’s gonna kill Ralphie!”

* *

Ralphie as an adult: “Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor – heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebuoy, on the other hand… (Yechh!)”

'A Christmas Story' house in Cleveland, Ohio
The real house behind ‘A Christmas Story’ was located in Cleveland, Ohio. Juli Scalzi/Shutterstock.com

Ralphie: “Ohhhh fuuudge!”

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!”

The Old Man: [stunned] “What did you say?”

Ralphie: “Uh, um…”

The Old Man: “That’s… what I thought you said. Get in the car… Go on.”

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “It was all over – I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me.”

Christmas Story House decoder ring
You can buy decoder rings at the Christmas Story House in Cleveland. Tim Evanson [CC BY-SA 2.0]/Flickr

Ralphie: [reading] “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!”

* *

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.”

* *

Ralphie as an adult [narrating]: “Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.”

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