Valentines Day Funny Jokes
It’s the most romantic season of the year again! After you’ve bought the perfect gift, planned a thoughtful date night, and crafted the perfect Valentine’s Day caption for Instagram, you have to tackle the hardest part of celebrating February 14: Writing a Valentine’s Day card.
Whether you’re penning a romantic letter to your sweetheart or dropping a short Valentine’s Day message in your kid’s lunchbox, the best way to win someone’s heart is by giving them the gift of laughter. These cute and funny Valentine’s Day jokes are sweeter than chocolate and guaranteed to make your loved ones LOL all day long. From clever Valentine’s Day puns to corny one-liners to adorable knock-knock jokes, these hilarious ideas will get all the giggles.
Whether you’re on the hunt for cheesiness or cleverness, this list is guaranteed to have the perfect joke for the loved ones in your life, whether young or old. That’s right, adults and kids alike are sure to be laughing their heads off when they open their Valentine’s Day card to see one of these perfectly crafted jokes.
Need more inspiration for love-themed laughs? Check out these funny love quotes and sweet Valentine’s Day quotes.
Best Corny Valentine’s Day Jokes
- “What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?” “Be my Valen-slime!”
- “What did the paper clip say to the magnet?” “I find you very attractive.”
- “Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine’s Day?” “He thought it was the purrfect present.
- “What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?” “I’m stuck on you!”
- “Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?” “His heart wasn’t in it.”
- “What’s Cupid’s favorite band?” “Kiss!”
- “Why did the sheriff lock up their valentine?” “She stole their heart.”
- “What do you call two birds in love?” “Tweethearts!”
- “What did the scientist say to her valentine?” “I think of you periodically.”
- “How can you tell when a squirrel is in love?” “It goes nuts!”
- “I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.”
- “I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed.”
- “What did the calculator say to the pencil?” “You can count on me.”
- “How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?” “He gave her a ring!”
- “What did one oar tell the other oar?” “This is so row-mantic!”
- “What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb?” “You light my world up.”
- “How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?” “For stealing someone’s heart.”
Best Valentine’s Day Joke Puns
- “What did one watermelon say to the other?” “You’re one in a melon!”
- “What do you call a very small Valentine?” “A valen-tiny.”
- “What did the ghost say to his valentine?” “You look so BOOtiful.”
- “If he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.”
- “What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day?” “Lots of hogs and kisses.”
- “What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time?” “Choco-late.”
- “What did one bee say to the other?” “I love bee-ing with you, honey!”
- “What did one volcano say to the other?” “I lava you.”
- “What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day?” “I love you berry much.”
- “What did the cucumber say to the pickle?” “You mean a great dill to me.”
- “What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day?” “You’re purr-fect for me.”
- “What did one sheep say to the other on February 14?” “I love ewe.”
- “How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day?” “A choco-LOT!”
- “What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day?” “We’re a perfect match.”
- “How did the phone propose to his GF?” “He gave her a ring.”
- “How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine’s date?” “Whale you be mine?”
- “What do you call a ghost’s sweetheart?” “A ghoul-friend.”
Best Valentine’s Day Knock-Knock Jokes
- “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Olive.” “Olive who?” “Olive you!”
- “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Peas.” “Peas who?” “Peas be mine!”
- “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Butch, Jimmy and Joe.” “Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who?” “Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.”
- “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Disguise.” “Disguise who?” “Disguise is your boy friend!”
- “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Howard.” “Howard who?” “Howard you like a big kiss?”
- “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Bea.” “Bea who?” “Bea my Valentine!”
Hilarious Valentine’s Day Jokes
Some people consider it the most romantic day of the year. Others roll their eyes and claim it’s only a commercialized “Hallmark holiday.” But either way, most people would agree that “funny” isn’t exactly the first word they would use to describe February 14. However, we’re here to pleasantly surprise you with these 50 hilarious Valentine’s Day jokes!
Is Cupid shooting arrows or goofing around in jest? You have to admit there’s already quite a bit of humor involved with imagining someone slyly flying all around with talent not only for archery but matchmaking! And although this holiday is traditionally known more for its sentimentality than wit and wisecracks, we’ve still got plenty of chuckle-inducing one-liners and puns, along with groan-worthy dad jokes and laughs in store—perfect to share with your Galentine squad and loved ones alike!
So, grab a box of chocolates to snack on, write out your Valentine messages (or Valentine’s Day Instagram captions!), line up a classic rom-com (or two) to view, and get ready to giggle in the name of super-cheesy, love-themed quips. After all, roses may be red, violets may be blue, but one thing’s for sure—we’ve got the all-time greatest Valentine’s jokes for you!
Valentine’s Day Jokes
1. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.
2. What Valentine’s message can you find in a honeycomb? “Bee mine.”
3. Which new Taylor Swift tune is the best couple’s song for two ghosts to share? “Invisible String.”
4. How did the coin propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a jingle.
5. What did one Hershey’s bar say to the other who arrived long past their date time? “You’re choco-late.”
Related: 100 Unique Valentine’s Day Gifts
6. Why are artichokes so beloved? They’re known for their hearts.
7. What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit? “I found the perfect match!”
8. What do you call a colorful heart that loves books? “Well-red.”
9. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? “Whale you be mine?”
10. Why did the magnet hit on the refrigerator? He found her to be very attractive.
11. What’s the best recipe for a perfect morning on February 14? A hug and a quiche.
12. What did one piece of toast say to the other? “You’re my butter half!”
13. Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans? It was just puppy love.
14. Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie-boyfriend? He was a real keeper.
15. When do bed bugs fall in love? In the spring.
16. How did one Bloody Mary share their strong feelings with another? “Olive you.”
17. What do you call two sparrows who just got engaged? “Lovebirds.”
18. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day? All they wanted to do was spoon.
19. What is it called when your aunt went off to get married on V-Day? Antelope.
20. What’s the most romantic ship? Courtship.
21. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re a big dill to me.”
22. How did the cashew share its feelings with the almond? “I’m nuts about you.”
23. How did the two prunes confirm dinner plans? They said it was a date.
24. What did one cantaloupe write to the other in their Valentine’s card? “You’re one in a melon!”
25. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet? By saying, “Hit me up!”
Related: 15 Best Valentine Treats
26. What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush? “Espresso yourself.”
27. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day? Her heart wasn’t in it.
28. What message is on candy hearts for cats? “You’re purr-fect!”
29. Why do air fresheners love Valentine’s Day? They’re so scent-imental.
30. Where did the high-heel take its date? To the football.
31. How did one drum tell the other about its feelings? “My heart beats for you.”
32. How did the vegetable politely ask for a date? “Peas be my Valentine.”
33. How can you save money on Valentine’s gifts? Become single.
34. What’s a cutesy love term that can also be orange and delicious? “Crush.”
35. What kind of flowers shouldn’t you gift your girlfriend? Cauliflowers.
Related: 61 Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Daughter
36. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? “I’m stuck on you.”
37. Why did all the other fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine? She was very a-peel-ing.
38. What are insects called when they’re dating? Lovebugs.
39. What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day? “Gimme some sugar!”
40. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day? “Lovesick.”
41. Why couldn’t the mineral water ever get a Valentine? All of his friendships were so pla-tonic.
42. How do sheep share their feelings with each other? By saying, “I love ewe.”
43. What do you call a happy couple who first met via Twitter? “Tweethearts.”
44. Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob? He was so row-mantic.
45. What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut? “I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love!”
Related: 125 Romantic Love Quotes
46. Why would Forrest Gump be a good Valentine? He’d probably gift a box of chocolates.
47. Which type of flower is the best at giving smooches? Tulips.
48. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine’s Day? Stealing too many hearts.
49. What do pieces of fruit write to each other in their V-Day cards? “I love you berry much!”
50. What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid’s arrow? “Ouch!”