The Best Red Vs. Blue Quotes
13 Grif: “It’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?… I don’t know, man, but it keeps me up at night.”
From the very first episode, we are treated to some of the comedy that the series remains recognized for. Simmons presents the question of “Why do you think we are here?” to Grif, prompting this response.
Simmons questions his response and corrects him, maintaining he was talking about their mission in the gulch. The series does a great job of blending comedy with real-life questions that we all ponder from time to time, which makes the series feel more like a conversation during a game of Halo than a TV series.
12 Grif: “I think it looks more like a puma.”
Grif describing the Warthog as looking more like a puma is one of the best quotes to resonate within the Halo fandom. The names of the various vehicles in the series are not overly descriptive, though of course something enormous like the Mammoth is aply labeled. However, when it comes to UNSC vehicles, the animal-based names given to them seem random.
Grif pointing out that the Warthog looks nothing like a real warthog was side-splittingly hilarious back when Red Vs. Blue started, and it’s a joke that still hits well today.
11 Caboose: “Don’t. Ever. Be. Alone.”
Something is clearly wrong with Caboose when the second season of Red Vs. Blue begins, and this is never more evident than when his voice changes and he states something ominous like this. Of course, his attitude change is largely brushed off until it is almost too late.
Normally, Caboose is one of the most happy-go-lucky characters in the show. Having his voice turn deeper and more threatening indicated that all was not right with this most jovial member of Blue team.
10 Simmons: “We need you to go to the store and get two quarts of elbow grease.”
A comedy of errors ensues when Simmons and Grif send Private Donut away to get some “elbow grease” from the store. The two of them are just having fun with Red Team’s rookie, but little do they know that Donut will walk all the way to Blue Team’s base, take the flag from an unwitting Caboose, and trot all the way back with it.
Thanks to this prank errand, a host of problems lands right onto the laps of the instigators. Maybe Simmons and Grif will think twice before trying to trick the newbie.
9 Caboose: “Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts.”
A quote for the ages. While the comment is originally made in jest and he is scolded for joking around, the truth behind it still resonates. The line from Caboose serves as a lesson to everyone watching that sometimes the damage can’t be undone, like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube.
The object of comedy is to blend pain, suffering, rumination, and everyday experiences into a relatable, smart, and digestible format that can bring amusement to people of all ages, and Red Vs. Blue achieves that goal.
8 Grif: “Thank you for calling Red Base, this is Private Grif, how may I assist you today?”
The quote may seem innocuous at first glance, but the genius lies in the scenario. Sarge just finished speaking with Simmons, who was captured by Wash, through the radio. Donut and Lopez were both killed, and Simmons acting very nonchalantly towards Sarge caused some concern.
Sarge proceeds to guess the whole situation at hand based solely on the way that Simmons answered the phone at their base, questioning Grif as to how they are trained to answer the phone at the base. This is a great callback for anyone who has worked retail or desk job doing customer support, where the series yet again merges real-life experiences with the video game world.
7 Caboose: “Time is not made out of lines. It is made out of circles; that is why clocks are round.”
A quote from Michael J. Caboose comes out of episode 15 of the third season during the Blood Gulch Chronicles. A quote that is both comedic and accurate. Time, while it does move in an unending line until its unforeseeable end, is not a straight line.
Time can be influenced by events and some of these events tend to repeat themselves as if they are happening in cycles. Time may be a manmade construct, but how it’s utilized, flows and unravels is entirely subjective.
6 Church: “There’s a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life.”
After being questioned by Tucker, Church responds with one of the best quotes of the second season of the series. The quote serves as a great reminder to some viewers, that sometimes you shouldn’t care about the opinions or words of others and listen to only what you need to.
Too many times people tend to focus on the wrong information or details, looking at the negatives instead of the positives. We can all learn from Church to walk that line.
5 Agent Carolina: “Never say goodbye. If you don’t say goodbye you aren’t really gone. You just aren’t here right now.”
No one likes goodbyes, they are sometimes painful, too long, or serve no purpose, and one of Red Vs. Blue’s best quotes revolves around the action of saying farewell. This quote comes at the end of the Freelancer saga as Carolina is talking with Church.
There is such finality to this goodbye, that they settle on not sharing the words and going their separate ways. It’s something that can resonate with fans, while still maintaining its comedic value.
4 Church’s Speech To Caboose In Episode 100
During the 100th episode, the team at Rooster Teeth decided to call back to the original episode of the series, and the first quote on this list. This time the interaction is between Church and Caboose, where Caboose asks him the very same question, “Why are we here?”.
Instead, we get this speech:
“You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that’s happened to me, you know what I’ve learned? It’s not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to… Not because they’re Red, or because they’re Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can’t stand them because they’re a complete and total f**king douchebag.”
The main difference between this speech and the quote in the first episodeis that the first was a question of existentialism and the human condition; in the second instance, it’s a comedic twist on military life and war.
3 Agent Carolina: “The past doesn’t define who you are, it just gives you the starting point of who you’re going to be.”
One of the best quotes of the series comes from the daughter of Dr. Leonard Church. It comes at the end of season 10, the conclusion of the Project Freelancer saga. The quote rings true in all aspects of life, that everyone deserves a second chance and no one is defined by the things they have done.
There is always room for change and each day is an opportunity to be a better person.
2 Church: “I’m not gonna say I love you….I’m gonna say I forget you.”
A heartbreaking quote from season 9 comes during its final episode. A moment shared between Tex and Epsilon-Chruch, two former lovers, has a bittersweet ending.
Epsilon talks to Tex about the purpose of each iteration of his existence and his artificial intelligence after regaining his memories. He tells her for him to be at peace, he must say three words. Tex suspects that he wants to say “I love you,” but instead he says “I forget you,” using his artificial intelligence to let go of her memory and their time as lovers, leaving her as the only one to retain those memories.
1 Church: “There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day… In the end, they just have to have faith. Ain’t that a b***h?”
This amazing quote comes from the season 13 finale. It comes as Church is making the ultimate sacrifice for his platoon and his friends, which helps to drive the message home. The moment helps to put the situation into perspective, and create a reference for all the stories of self-sacrifice that we have come to know and love.
This moment of truth and comedy will make you laugh and cry as it helps to bring the season to its conclusion.