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Best Red Forman Quotes 2021

Red Forman, played by Kurtwood Smith, is the funny war veteran who plays the show’s father.

Red is the disgruntled but strong-willed retired war veteran now factory worker, living in Point Place, Wisconsin, and is married to the chatty and cheerful Kitty Forman. The couple have a son who plays one of the lead characters, called Eric Forman.

Red’s relationship with his kids is mind-boggling and will leave many people with strict dads relating to his interactions with his kids. Even though he cherishes his lying, manipulative, indiscriminate girl, Laurie (with whom, unsurprisingly, Kitty has a stressed and hostile relationship) until season two when he discovers she’s living with a man in Chicago, he constantly brings up Eric’s apparent defects and blames him savagely.

Best Red Forman Quotes

Over eight seasons of ‘That ’70s Show’, all filled with Red’s tirades and barbs, there’s no shortage of best quotes. Let’s have a look at a few of them.

1. “Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree”

– Red Forman.

2. “Ooh! Eric’s in a fight! No one’s here! No one’s gonna believe me! Why didn’t I bring my camera?”

– Red Forman.

3. “Eric: So, you’re saying that Donna and I will be okay?

Red: No. All I did was scratch your mother’s shoes. I didn’t pull her pants down in front of God and the foreign kid.”

– ‘That ’70s Show’.

Greatest Red Forman Quotes

Take a look at some of the greatest of Forman’s quotes that we have collected for you to read.

4. “Oh, would you stop! Luke Skywalker this, Luke Skywalker that, I’m sick and tired of hearing about that little fruit!”

– Red Forman.

5. “So you’re too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You’re not an athlete, the only smart thing about you is your mouth… and just look at you!”

– Red Forman.

6. “Eric: What’s so Belgian about them?

Red: They crumbled at the hands of the nazis.”

– ‘That ’70s Show’.

7. “Well, that’s, that’s perfect Eric. Use that line when you’re up for Miss America.”

– Red Forman.

8. “Responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted.”

– Red Forman.

9. “Donna’s such a sweet kid. How could you do this to her?”

– Red Forman.

Red Forman Love Quotes

Have a look at love quotes by Red Forman that will show you that he had this lovely side to himself even though he is known to be the grumpiest dad in television history.

10. “I love that woman with a fiery passion… that consumes my soul!”

– Red Forman.

11. “Steven, I’ve come to think of you as a son. So I want to give you some honest, heartfelt advice.”

– Red Forman.

12. “I am not loving anyone, I am not legally required to.”

– Red Forman.

Funny Red Forman Quotes

That '70s Show' was the comedy genre of Fox sitcom

Red Forman was a really harsh yet silly character on ‘That ’70s Show’, and there are so many interesting and funny statements. Let’s have a look at few quotes by him that will make you laugh, or at least giggle.

13. “Without our government, you’d be stuck in Siberia now, sucking the juice from a rotten commie potato!”

– Red Forman.

14. “It might… I just had a heart attack!”

– Red Forman.

15. “If I was a bird, I’d fly into the ceiling.”

– Red Forman.

16. “Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy!”

– Red Forman.

17. “Eric: Donna’s in the kitchen; I need you to get rid of her for me.

Red: Do I have to be nice about it?

Eric: No.

Red: This is the happiest day of my life!”

– ‘That ’70s Show’.

‘That ’70s Show’ Quotes

Red Forman is still one of the most legendary characters in television history. Let’s have a look at few memorable quotes from ‘That ’70s Show’.

The 'That '70s Show' series focuses on the lives of a group of six teenage friends living in fictional Point Place, Wisconsin.

18. “Ah good, all the half-wits are here.”

– Red Forman.

19. “I just wanna say… when my time comes, I want to be buried face down”

– Red Forman.

20. “That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.”

– Red Forman.

21. “Son, you don’t have bad luck.”

– Red Forman.

22. “Eric: I am not strong enough. If I’m gonna shake this Donna thing, I am gonna need some serious discipline. Please ground me.

Red: You got it, pal. You’re grounded!”

– ‘That ’70s Show’.

23. “Listen, I’m gonna give you a few days to pull yourself together. You could stay in bed, watch TV, whatever you need to do.”

– Red Forman.

24. “Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall…

Red: Eric, for God’s sakes, that’s no language for a woman to hear!”

– ‘That ’70s Show’.

25. “Right. Now I’m gonna eat this steak, but first, I’m gonna make a birthday wish. Here it is: I wish everyone would shut up!”

– Red Forman.

26. “Red: (trying to eat healthier) This isn’t food – this is what food eats!”

– Red Forman.

15“Eric, Didn’t I Tell You To Wash Up For Dinner? I Know, It’s Difficult To Hear With Your Head Up Your Ass.”

Red is a difficult father to have as he very quickly and very easily gets angry for seemingly no reason sometimes. He treats his daughter Laurie well and rarely yells at her as he thinks that she has her life in order, even though she’s struggling just as much if not more so than Eric is.

Red chooses to always use fear and force to parent Eric including just yelling at him to wash up for dinner and says he probably can’t hear him since his head is up his rear, which is still admittedly a hilarious line and creative insult.

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“Damn Kids Today. They Wouldn’t Know Responsibility If It Walked Up And Bit Them In The Ass.”

Red is a typical annoyed parent who hates the younger generation and in particular hates that Eric doesn’t seem responsible at all, and his friends don’t seem responsible at all either.

Red grew up in a different time and had to get a job at a young age and even fought in a war so it makes sense that he’s frustrated by his son’s more laid-back nature and he shows it in this quote generalizing all kids in the 1970s.

13“I Wish I Had 2,000 Feet So I Could Put 500 Of Them In Each Of Your Asses.”

Red’s favorite go-to threat is threatening anyone and everyone with him putting his foot up their behinds, and even though he says it all the time, it never gets old and it’s because it’s always a creative line about the same action.

In this quote, Red takes yet another creative approach to describing how he would put his foot in Eric and his friend’s a**es.

12“What Are You Going To Put On Your Resume – Dumbass?”

Yet again, Red takes a terrible approach to parenting Eric, but it is a pretty hilarious approach for a fictional father that always gets laughs from the audience.

Eric wants to try to get a job and even though Red should be proud of him for taking some initiative and responsibility, he instead says this line poking fun at him as usual pointing out how Eric doesn’t have any type of work experience to add to a resume.

11“Why Is Our House Always Infested With Kids?”

The gang all together again in the finale

This quote from Red is a good point, Eric and his decent-sized group of friends are always hanging out at the Formans’ house. Hyde and Jackie even lived with the Formans for a while due to some family issues.

Red isn’t afraid to voice when he’s unhappy with things, and he’s usually unhappy with a lot of things, and this is a great example of that lovable yet tough personality he has as Kitty, who does make him happy, enjoys a house full of kids but he can’t quite get on board.

10“Yelling Is The Only Part Of Being A Father That I Enjoy!”

Something that fans of the show—as well as Eric himself—had likely long suspected by this point, Red’s reaction to the news of Eric and Donna’s engagement was right in line with his hot-headed parenting methods. While he’s ultimately a concerned father who doesn’t want his son to make terrible decisions, he certainly enjoys dressing his son down verbally when he needs to.

Although Red’s actions proved this well enough over the course of the show, it’s explicitly stated when Kitty attempts to stop him from yelling at Eric, to which Red responds “I’m sorry, Kitty, but yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy!”

9“Responsible People Don’t Go Around Getting Their Nipples Twisted!”

It’s not an uncommon occurrence in That ‘70s Show for Red to lecture his son about being more responsible. While it usually comes off as a little harsh, however, he kind of has a point in the season one episode “Stolen Car.”

After noticing a scratch on the Vista Cruiser, Red takes Eric’s car keys away, telling his son he’ll only return them once he learns some responsibility. Naturally, Eric protests and blames Kelso for the scratch since he was giving him a ‘purple-nurple’ at the time. Red hilariously responds with “responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted!”

8“It Might… I Just Had A Heart Attack!”

While references to Red’s high blood pressure and unhealthy eating habits were foreshadowed throughout That ‘70s Show, things came to a head in the show’s season five finale “Celebration Day” when Red suffers a heart attack.

In the following episode, Eric decides to put off going to college in order to look after his father, handing over his entire paycheck to his parents to help with the medical bills. When Kitty tells Red “it wouldn’t hurt you to thank him,” a bitter Red brilliantly responds with “it might… I just had a heart attack!”

7“When My Time Comes, I Want To Be Buried Face Down, So That Anybody That Doesn’t Like Me Can Kiss My Ass.”

In the season three episode “Who Wants it More?,” Red Forman suffers a near-death experience following a gardening incident, prompting him to have a vision of his own funeral. After realizing that he hasn’t exactly been the warmest man on the planet, Red decides to change his ways and make an effort to be more approachable.

Fortunately, Red comes to his senses by the end of the episode, reverting to his usual, angry self, busting out this great quote as he does so.

6“Without Our Government, You’d Be Stuck In Siberia Now, Sucking The Juice From A Rotten Commie Potato!”

Red yelling at Eric in the garage in That '70s Show

Ever the patriot, Red’s time as a frontline combatant is likely one of the many reasons for his unwavering love of his country. With the decidedly anti-establishment Steven Hyde living under his roof, however, the two naturally butt heads on a lot of issues.

After Hyde bad-mouths the government, Red proclaims that “without our government, you’d be stuck in Siberia now, sucking the juice from a rotten commie potato!” before following up with “if the government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say ‘thank you, and God bless America!'”

5“You Morons Just Hung Vacancy Signs On Your Asses… And My Foot’s Looking For A Room!”

Red’s creative variations on his threats to kick Eric’s a** usually range from a little lame to outright hysterical depending on the line in question. Perhaps his funniest version of the joke, however, isn’t even aimed at his son, but at Hyde and Fez after he discovers they’ve been keeping a ‘stash’ in the basement.

What’s more, even Kitty has been indulging in said stash behind Red’s back, making his inventively framed threat seem a little more justified than usual.

4“If I Was A Bird, I’d Fly Into The Ceiling.”

While sitcom parents often act as the show’s resident “fun sponges”—usually foiling the plans of its mischievous central teenagers at the end of each episode—it’s Red’s unique ability to suck the air out a room that makes his character so hilarious. Take for instance the Formans’ dinner party with Fez and his new girlfriend, Nina. Kitty poses some ice-breaking questions to the group, including “if you were a bird, where would you fly?”

Making his disdain for the entire event apparent, Red snarkily replies with “if I was a bird, I’d fly into the ceiling.”

3“Well, That’s Perfect, Eric. Use That Line When You’re Up For Miss America.”

When it’s announced that President Ford is visiting Eric’s high school in the season one episode “Streaking,” Red plans on publicly announcing his displeasure at the leader’s outsourcing of jobs, which he blames for his own unfortunate employment situation.

When he asks Eric for his opinion on the matter, however, the ordinarily snarky teenager seems to clam up. Nervous about his impending plan to streak during the President’s visit and not wanting to start a fight with his father, Eric responds diplomatically, which Red hilariously chastises him for.

2“That’s Your Brain Trying To Comprehend Its Own Stupidity.”

Red eating at the table in That 70s Show

In the episode “Hyde’s Christmas Rager,” Eric makes one of his most idiotic mistakes to date. After getting wasted at Hyde’s party, Eric returns home drunk and proceeds not only to mock Red—who is, unbeknownst to him, within earshot—but proceeds to throw up on his shoes afterward.

Surprisingly, Red doesn’t blow up to the degree you’d expect but yells at a hungover Eric the following morning. When Eric complains that his head hurts, Red tells him “that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.”

1“You Don’t Have Bad Luck. The Reason That Bad Things Happen To You Is Because You’re A Dumbass!”

While it may not be the most creative insult Red ever concocted on the show, there’s something so unapologetically real about this quote that it remains one of That ‘70s Show’s most hilarious jokes. After Eric kisses a friend of his sister’s during Thanksgiving, he decides to come clean to Donna, who naturally becomes furious with him.

Eric then complains to his father about his bad luck, an idea that Red quickly—and rightly—shoots down immediately.

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