Best Funny Minion Quotes
1. “Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that pissed you off in the first place?”
2. “I might be crazy but you are stupid and medicine doesn’t fix that.”
3. “When your sibling is suddenly nice to you… And you’re like “Who are you?!”
4. “No, I didn’t say you were stupid. I said you are stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.”
5. “He asked why the house isn’t clean since I’m home all day I asked why we aren’t rich since he works all day”
6. “Lies I tell myself: just 1 more episode, just 1 more page, just 1 more piece just 5 more minutes”
7. “Can I ask 1 question? But you just did. Haha ok, can I ask 2? You already did. Ok, can I ask 4 questions? You just did again… when? Now!”
8. “If you’re ugly, but have pretty eyes… this is your chance!!!”
9. “I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn’t want to cooperate!”
10. “I am multi-talented! I can talk, annoy and irritate you all at the same time!”
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Best Minions Quotes images | Minions quotes, Minions
11. “You’re so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous”
12. “I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.”
13. “Never argue with children A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Imitated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” the little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
14. “Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is a salad.”
15. “Exercise? I thought you said “Extra fries”
16. “After Tuesday, even the calendar goes WTF”
17. “Don’t text me while I’m in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my whole text…”
18. “I wonder how cops on bikes arrest people? “Alright now get in the basket.”
19. “That awkward moment when you still can’t understand someone after they have repeated themselves about five times.”
20. “Me… Jog??? Pffffft… If you see me running. You better run too cuz there’s something chasing me!”
Best Minions Quotes images |Hilarious Minion Quotes From The Movie
21. “Going on YouTube just to watch a quick music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe.”
22. “The first testicular guard, the “Cup”, was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies…… Quit laughing.”
23. “Doing homework at 4:00 AM that’s me!!”
24. “Every day I arrive at work with good intentions and a great attitude… Then idiots happen.”
25. “I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: “Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot.”
26. “Here is your nose I found it in my business.”
27. “They say don’t try this at home… so I’m going to go to my friend’s house and try it.”
28. “People say everything happens for a reason so when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason”
29. “At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.”
30. “People are created to be loved. Things are created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is that things are being loved and people are being used.”
Funny Minions Quotes images |Hilarious Minion Memes
31. “Dear sleep, I’m sorry I hated you when I was a young kid. Right now I love you very much and I cherish every moment with you.”
32. “I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.”
33. “I’m gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year and when they arrive I’ll say I ordered this a year ago, lol”
34. “It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill..”
35. “The hardest part of my job is.. Being nice to stupid people.”
Minion Quotes
Minions are a new trend on the internet, whatever the topic be these minions memes are sure to pop up one Here are the best funny minion quotes ever! Minions are so cute in their looks and funny in actions. Minions live in our hearts because of their cuteness and they are part of our daily life. People love the daily best funny minions quotes and jokes. Everyone loves minions and these hilarious minion quotes will put a smile on your face!
1. “Things to do today: 1. Get up. 2. Survive. 3. Go back to bed.”
2. “I hate it when people are at your house and ask ‘Do you have a bathroom?’ No, we pee in the yard.”
3. “Alcohol does not make you fat it makes you lean… Against tables, chairs, floors, walls, and ugly people.”
4. “My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.”
5. “OMG! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!”
6. “The best feeling is waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have hours to sleep.”
7. “There should be an app so you can delete your number out of other people’s phones.”
8. “The best thing about me… I’m a limited edition. There are no other copies! Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord!”
9. “I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.”
10. “Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
11. “I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.”
12. “I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out of my mouth.”
13. “Love me and I’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me and I’ll drop those mountains on your head”
14. “If a bra is an “over the shoulder boulder holder” then what would you call the men’s underwear? Under the butt nut hut?”
15. “Never sing in the shower singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked, so remember don’t sing”
16. “Don’t give me your attitude unless you want mine!!”
17. “My tolerance level is extremely low proceed with caution!”
18. “You know you’re getting old when you feel bad in the morning without having had any fun the night before!”
19. “Warning! A virus called Monday is fast approaching. There is no cure. Just drink plenty of alcohol on Sunday night to ease the pain!”
20. “Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream: “Shut the F*ck up” out loud instead of just in my head.”
21. “Life is all about ass. You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kissing it, kicking it busting it, trying to get a piece of it behaving like one… Or, you live with one!!!”
22. “Respect your parents. They passed school without Google!”
23. “I might look like I’m doing nothing but in my head, I’m quite busy.”
24. “Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.”
25. “I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.”
26. “There’s no better feeling than going to bed at night and not having to set an alarm for tomorrow morning.”
27. “Heck, yes, I’m short god only lets things grow until they’re perfect some of us didn’t take as long as others.”
28. “If God shuts a door, quit banging on it! Whether it was behind it, wasn’t meant for you. Consider the fact that maybe he closed that door because he knew you were worth so much more.”
29. “The best thing about me… I’m a limited edition. There are no .other copies! Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord!” #funny minions quotes about life
30. “Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.”
31. “Take life day by day and be grateful for all little things. Don’t get stressed over what you can’t control.”
32. “Have you ever noticed that in every group of friends, the shortest one is usually the craziest.”
33. “Happy Friday!!”
34. “I’m with stupid” Do you have any? When people ask at you
35. “I was going to do something, then I got distracted for 5 seconds and forgot.”
36. “My 4 moods: I’m too old for this shit. I’m too tired for this shit. I’m too sober for this shit. I don’t have time for this shit!” 37. “They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.”
38. “When life knocks you down… Calmly get back up and very politely say, “You hit like a bitch”
39. “Top 4 whishes: 1. To earn money without working 2. To be smart without studying 3. To love without being hurt. 4. To eat without getting fat.”
40. “Don’t wait until you are rich to be happy. Happy is free.”
41. “My doctor asked me if I had ever had a stress test? Yes – I replied it’s called life”
42. “Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think…. Oh shit it’s the cops!”
43. “Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes…”
44. “One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that someone is happy because of you.”
45. “Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so it had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.”
46. “My mother always told me if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all… and some people wonder why I’m so quiet around them!”
47. “Of course women don’t work as hard as men… They get it right the first time.”
48. “A pet. My dog is family!”
49. “Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and I observe more than you know.”
50. “If I manage to survive the rest of the week, I would like my straight jacket in hot pink & my helmet to sparkle.”
