Lord Farquaad quotes that will teach you to be humble. There are so many Lord Farquaad quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Lord Farquaad quotes exists just do that.
Lord Farquaad is a character from Shrek, and he had banished the fairytale creatures from his land and had also forced them all to take refuge in Shrek’s swamp. Lord Farquaad had then tortured the Gingerbread Man and made him reveal the location of fairytale folk which he had not banished. Just as the Gingerbread Man was about to reveal this, the Captain of the guards had arrived and told Lord Farquaad that they had found the Magic Mirror. Lord Farquaad had then asked the mirror if Duloc had been the perfect kingdom. The mirror said that Lord Farquaad was not truly a king yet, but Lord Farquaad could become one if he actually marries a princess.
In a parody of the dating shows, the mirror had introduced three princesses for Lord Farquaad to choose from: Snow White, Cinderella, and Princess Fiona. Lord Farquaad had then chosen Princess Fiona, and she is then locked away in a castle that is guarded by a ferocious dragon. In spite of the mirror’s attempt to warn Lord Farquaad about what would happen at sunset, he made a decision to plan a tournament to find out which knight would be worthy to embark on a quest to get Fiona. Shrek, who had then travelled from the swamp to Duloc for asking Lord Farquaad to move the fairytale creatures off his swamp, had then interrupted this tournament. Lord Farquaad had then changed this tournament and said that the knight who could kill Shrek would be the champion. Lord Farquaad had seized the opportunity, and declared Shrek as the champion of the tournament and told him that if Shrek completes the quest and rescues Fiona, then Lord Farquaad would restore Shrek’s swamp.
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“I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have…”
“Run, run, run as fast as you can / You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!”
“Yes, I know the Muffin Man. W-who lives on Drury Lane?”
“She’s married to the Muffin Man…”
“That’s enough! He’s ready to talk.”
“What’s that? It’s hideous!”
“[tossing legs away] I’m not the monster here, YOU are! You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others?”
“I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I’ll…”
“All right, then! Who’s hiding them?”
“The Muffin Man?”
“The Muffin Man?”
“Uhhh, Number 3!”
“[to his knights] The winner of this tournament – no, no, the privilege – will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth… Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.”
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?”
“You were saying?”
“Now really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?”
“[revolted] It’s disgusting!”
“[Shrek has barged into the tournament] Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre, will be named champion! Have at him!”
“Princess Fiona… she’s perfect!”
“No. I have a better idea…”
“[Slowly and dramatically to the looking glass] Magic… mirror… on… the wa…”
Lord Farquaad Quotes
[Shrek enters the tournament]
Lord Farquaad : What’s that? It’s hideous!
Shrek : Well, that’s not very nice.
[gestures to Donkey]
Shrek : It’s just a donkey.
Lord Farquaad : [playing with Gingy’s legs] Run, run, run as fast as you can / You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!
Gingerbread Man : You’re a monster!
Lord Farquaad : [tossing legs away] I’m not the monster here, YOU are! You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others?
Gingerbread Man : Eat me!
[spits in Farquaad’s face]
Lord Farquaad : I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I’ll…
Gingerbread Man : NO! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Lord Farquaad : All right, then! Who’s hiding them?
Gingerbread Man : Okay, I’ll tell you… Do you know… the Muffin Man?
Lord Farquaad : The Muffin Man?
Gingerbread Man : The Muffin Man.
Lord Farquaad : Yes, I know the Muffin Man. W-who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingerbread Man : Well, she’s married to the Muffin Man…
Lord Farquaad : The Muffin Man?
Gingerbread Man : THE MUFFIN MAN!
Lord Farquaad : She’s married to the Muffin Man…
Magic Mirror : [telling Lord Farquaad about his bachelorettes] So, just sit back and relax, my Lord, because I’m about to give you today’s three eligible bachelorettes.
[the mirror shows images of Cinderella]
Magic Mirror : Our first bachelorette is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot-tubbing any time. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Let’s hear it for Cinderella!
[changes to images of Snow White]
Magic Mirror : Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the Land of Fantasy. Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy. Just kiss her frozen, dead lips and find out what a live wire she is. Give it up for Snow White!
[changes to Princess Fiona]
Magic Mirror : And last but not least is a fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by a boiling lake of lava! But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing: Princess Fiona! So, who will it be? Bachelorette #1? Bechelorette #2? Or Bachelorette #3?
[Farquaad’s advisors start calling out their choices, with Thelonious saying “#3”]
Lord Farquaad : Uhhh, Number 3!
Magic Mirror : Lord Farquaad, you have chosen… Princess Fiona.
Lord Farquaad : [to his knights] The winner of this tournament – no, no, the privilege – will have the honour of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth… Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.
Lord Farquaad : Mirror, mirror, on the wall / Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
Magic Mirror : Well, technically, you’re not a king.
Lord Farquaad : Ah, Thelonius?
[Thelonius the Executioner smashes a small looking glass]
Lord Farquaad : You were saying?
Magic Mirror : [nervous] Er, I mean you’re not a king YET! But you can become one! All you have to do is marry a princess…
Lord Farquaad : Go on…
[Shrek bursts into Fiona’s and Farquaad’s wedding]
Lord Farquaad : Now really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?
Princess Fiona : I wanted to show you before…
[turns into an ogre]
Shrek : Well… er… THAT explains a lot.
Lord Farquaad : [revolted] It’s disgusting!
Lord Farquaad : [Shrek has barged into the tournament] Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre, will be named champion! Have at him!
[all the knights draw their weapons and converge on Shrek]
Shrek : Okay, now… can’t we just settle this over a pint!
[holds up a friendly mug, to no avail]
Shrek : No? All right then! COME ON!
[He bursts one of the ale barrels]
Lord Farquaad : I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have…
[gets eaten by Dragon]
[Thelonius dunks the Gingerbread Man in a glass of milk]
Lord Farquaad : That’s enough! He’s ready to talk.
Lord Farquaad : Princess Fiona… she’s perfect!
[a squad of archers aim at Shrek]
Captain of Guards : Shall I give the order, my Lord?
Lord Farquaad : No. I have a better idea…
Lord Farquaad : [Slowly and dramatically to the looking glass] Magic… mirror… on… the wa…
Gingerbread Man : DON’T TELL HIM ANYTHING!