- “It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect. Hold it like you’d hold a woman.”
— Brodie Bruce/Banky Edwards, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Don’t fuck with the Jedi Master, son.”
— Cock-Knocker, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Y’know, I don’t get you, Justice. You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing shit up, and now you’re like this little priss with a conscience. It’s really a fucking drag.”
— Sissy, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.”
— Reg Hartner, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea.”
— Randal Graves, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Whillenholly: Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass.
Sheriff: One rectal breach comin’ up.”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “[regarding the Bluntman and Chronic movie]
Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than Clash of the Titans.Dante Hicks: I can’t believe Judi Dench played me.
Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.
Dante Hicks: Why?
Randal Graves: Because I’m going to blast that flick on the Internet tonight.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Why in God’s name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow, man. Don’t you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He’s crying out, ‘When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl? Fuck! When, Lord when? WHEN’S GONNA BE MY TIME?’”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Well, look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Looks like somebody shit in their cereal.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Nights like this…I miss dating a lesbian.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Whillenholly: [to Banky] Wow, there’s a lot of love in the room.
Banky: Regardless of what you may have heard, I do not kiss guys.
Whillenholly: OK, play it cool, hot shot.”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “Do you think ‘Fat Albert’ had an inker? No, Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Whillenholly: [Jay and Silent Bob are hiding in the diner] They’ve got a monkey in there?
Sheriff: An ape.
Whillenholly: What?
Sheriff: An orangutan’s a member of the great ape family, it’s not a monkey.
Whillenholly: Look, who’s the Federal Wildlife Marshal here, me or you? That’s what I thought.”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “[Willenholly and the Utah police confront Jay and Silent Bob]
Sheriff: Are you fucking crazy? Now they may be gay, but that’s not their son. That’s the ape.Whillenholly: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I’m about to avoid here by letting this butt-fucking Brady Bunch go.”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn’t go one happy family. All right, gang, let’s just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we’ll…Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn’t it?”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Duck, pie-fucker! Damn, these white boys can’t fight.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. That’s right. I was gonna call it ’N.W.P.’—Niggaz Wit’ Puppets. Catchy, ain’t it?”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Chaka: Oh, you’re the executive producer. Well, why don’t you executive produce me a latte—De-Crackernated. OK, Fucky?
Banky: Actually, it’s Banky.
Chaka: No, it is Fucky.”
- “Matt Damon: Just take it from ‘It’s a good course.’
Ben Affleck: Oh, now you’re the director.
Matt Damon: Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Let’s remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this…
Ben Affleck: Hey look, I’m sorry I dragged you away from whatever-gay-serial-killers-who-ride-horses-and-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-picture you’re supposed to be doing this week.
Matt Damon: I take it you haven’t seen Forces of Nature?
Ben Affleck: You’re like a child. What’ve I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him. [They both take a beat and look at the camera] And sometimes, you go back to the well.
Matt Damon: And sometimes, you play Reindeer Games.
Ben Affleck: See, that’s just mean.”
— Kevin Smith, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “Don’t you never say an unkind word about The Time! Me and Silent Bob modeled our whole fucking lives around Morris Day and Jerome. I’m a smooth pimp who loves the pussy. And Tubby here is my black man servant. What?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “[clears throat] And I’ll be, like, ‘What, you don’t know fuckin’ Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin’ mack daddys of fuckin’ Jersey?’ And she’ll be, like, ‘Oh, I’ve read on the Internet that you’s guys are a couple of little… [emphatically to Silent Bob] … fuckholes!’ [both laugh]”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Jay: And I can’t believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don’t you know fast food makes girls fart?
Brent: [getting into the van] Say, what’s all this talk about farting?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “[singing outside the Stop N Go]
I’m gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls.”— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
- “Whillenholly: And might I add, that is one fine-looking boy you are raising.
Jay: Hell yeah, that’s because he’s from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I fuck on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jay: Fuck that, I don’t wanna cough up some dude’s sperm.
Hitchhiker: Don’t be so suburban. It’s the new millennium. Gay, straight…it’s all the same now. There are no more lines.”
- “Jay: Hey, lawdog.
Whillenholly: [Willenholly realizes Jay & Silent Bob didn’t jump] Hey!
Jay: See you in hell, cocksmoker!
Whillenholly: Aww, Fuck Meeeee!”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - “Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn’t we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Funniest Quotes From Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
9“15 Bucks, Little Man. Put That S*** In My Hand.” – Jay
The opening scene of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back reveals that Jay and Bob are still spending all their time in front of the Quick Stop, bothering Dante and Randal at work and selling weed to teenagers.
When one of those teens asks for a nickel bag, Jay sings his response: “15 bucks, little man / Put that s*** in my hand / If that money doesn’t show / Then you’ll owe me, owe me, owe!” This is a silly way to conduct business as a drug dealer, and a super catchy song.
8“Don’t F*** With A Jedi Master, Son!” – Mark Hamill As Cocknocker
Bluntman and Chronic, the comic book characters based on Jay and Silent Bob whose film adaptation they want to shut down, are primarily a parody of Batman and Robin. But they also have bong lightsabers so there’s a little Star Wars in there, too.
Mark Hamill cameos as their nefarious, crudely named arch-nemesis, Cocknocker. Smith’s script included a bunch of hilarious nods to Hamill’s most iconic role. He tells Bluntman and Chronic, “Don’t f*** with a Jedi Master, son,” and when his hand is chopped off, he says, “Not again!”
7“Ergo, You Find Yourself In A Very Actionable Position.” – Silent Bob
As usual, in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Bob only speaks when he has something deep and meaningful to say. The movie revolves around Jay and Bob’s attempts to scrap a movie based on the Banky Edwards comic that was originally inspired by them.
Near the end of the movie, Bob demonstrates a surprising knowledge of legal discourse: “When the property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract. Ergo, you find yourself in a very actionable position.” Banky is understandably taken aback by being lawyered by Silent Bob.
6“Are You Even Supposed To Be Here Today?” – Quick Stop Customer
Jay and Silent Bob aren’t the only Clerks characters who returned in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Dante and Randal, Clerks‘ leads, appear in the early scenes at the Quick Stop convenience store. A customer asks Dante, “Are you even supposed to be here today?” and Dante replies, “Don’t get me started.”
This is a hilarious nod to the line that Dante repeats throughout Clerks about the fact that he’s been called in on his day off: “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
5“At Least Call Me By The Right F****** Character!” – James Van Der Beek
Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek appear in hilariously self-deprecating cameos as themselves in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. They’ve been cast to play Bluntman and Chronic in the movie adaptation, and Van Der Beek takes the gig a lot more seriously than Biggs.
Van Der Beek tells his unprofessional co-star, “You wouldn’t last a day on the Creek. A day!” Biggs fires back, “F*** you and your Dawson’s crap! Go to hell, Pacey!” Van Der Beek, who actually played Dawson and not Pacey on Dawson’s Creek, angrily tells Biggs, “At least call me by the right f****** character!” Fans of Dawson’s Creek know that the titular protagonist loses the love of his life to Pacey, so this is a low blow on many levels.
4“You Dumb F***!” – Silent Bob
Silent Bob’s reluctance to speak sometimes makes communication with Jay difficult because Jay isn’t too bright. In one scene, while they’re waiting to hitch a ride, Bob tries to communicate non-verbally that a car headed to Hollywood is going by, but Jay isn’t getting it at all.
A clueless Jay asks, “What are you trying to say? Just say it already.” So, an exasperated Bob screams at the top of his lungs, “The SIGN on the back of the car said ‘Critters of HOLLYWOOD!’ You dumb f***!” This is a laugh-out-loud juxtaposition from the other, more poignant words that come out of Silent Bob’s mouth.
3“I Can’t Believe Judi Dench Played Me.” – Dante Hicks
At the end of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, when the Bluntman & Chronic movie hits theaters, viewers are treated to various View Askewniverse characters’ reactions on opening night.
Iconic Clerks duo Dante and Randal have some choice words for the movie. Randal says, “That was definitely worse than Clash of the Titans,” and Dante says, “I can’t believe Judi Dench played me!” The image of Dame Judi Dench playing a slacker convenience store clerk likely stayed in fans’ minds long after the credits rolled.
2“It’s Hunting Season!” – Matt Damon As Will Hunting
When Jay and Bob get to Hollywood, they stumbled onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season, starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. In the fictional sequel, Will once again bumps into his stuffy Harvard-educated frenemy at a bar — except this time, he’s read up on Gordon Wood. The guy quips, “You’re just no longer any good… Will Hunting.” It’s a hysterical spoof of sequels about the hero losing what made them special in the first one, except Will Hunting’s superpower isn’t webslinging or Force sensitivity; it’s intellectual superiority.
It also satirizes Damon’s post-Bourne Identity transformation into a gun-toting action hero following his sensitive dramatic turn in Good Will Hunting. In Good Will Hunting 2, Will pulls out a shotgun, declares “hunting season” has begun, and swiftly disposes of the Harvard kid.
1“A Jay And Silent Bob Movie? Who Would Pay To See That?” – Holden McNeil
When Jay and Bob visit Holden McNeil, the creator of Bluntman & Chronic, he’s similarly oblivious to the movie being adapted from his work. Baffled, he says, “A Jay and Silent Bob movie? Who would pay to see that?”
Kevin Smith and his co-stars then briefly break the fourth wall to face their paying viewers. Jay and Holden both look at their audience with contempt, but Silent Bob gives off a cheeky smile because he’s the director. It’s the most hilariously meta moment in a hilariously meta movie.
