Best Frank Gallagher Quotes

Frank Gallagher Quotes

“Doing things you don’t want to do is how you make a relationship work.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 3: The Helpful Gallaghers
“Don’t let your emotions completely obscure the barbaric roots of the sexual act. Don’t lose touch with the seeds of our animal nature.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 3: The Helpful Gallaghers
“Love is not supposed to be cute. Love is supposed to be raw and destructive.”

 Frank Gallagher,
“Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It’s a vaccine.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 4: Hope Springs Paternal
“Pretty soon, there’s not gonna be any Jew or Aryan or Hindu or Muslim or Mexican or Blacks. There’s just gonna be the rich and the fucked, and our grandson is already one of the fucked.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 6: Pimp’s Paradise
“That all you got? That’s it? I’m still here, you fucker! Frank Gallagher! I’m alive! You see me? You see me standing here? You lost, asshole! I’m alive, motherfucker! Me, Frank Gallagher.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 4: Lazarus
“If god didn’t want us putting things up our ass, he would have given the rectum a gag reflex.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 3: The Helpful Gallaghers
“Be lucky you don’t get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 4: Hope Springs Paternal
“If you’re waiting for a new organ, you are just interfering with God’s plan.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 2: I’ll Light a Candle for You Every Day
“Revolutions don’t come wrapped in a cute ribbon. You want to bring down power structures? You want to get in the face of people who are peddling corroded ideals? You need a uniform that screams authenticity.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 8: Church of Gay Jesus
“When my son looks at me, I wanna see that same twinkle. And not from being stoned. That’s more of a glaze.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 8: Fuck Paying It Forward
“This is not a dictatorship. This is America. Give me liberty, or give me meth.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 7: Requiem for a Slut
“I’m home! I’m home! Overweight minimum wage workers buying discount laundry detergent! I have missed you so much! God bless America! God bless America!”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 8: The Fugees
“Daddy Frank, you are a serious badass and an essential member of this family.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 7: You Sold Me the Laundromat, Remember?
“You see, this is the point I’m making with the liberal elite. In the war between the have-nots and the have-everything’s, their guilt is our ammunition. Never forget that.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 8: The
“When I collect workman’s comp, some lady has to fill out the paperwork. That’s her job. If it wasn’t for me, she’d be unemployed.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 1: Daddyz Girl
“Thank God, I’m great at sex.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 9: Are you there Shim? It’s me, Ian.
“If ignorance is bliss, then down syndrome’s got to be euphoria.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 3: The Helpful Gallaghers
“All I had to do was pull out and you would have never been born.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 7: Happily Ever After
“Why would I want to come to Canada? So your national health care can make me wait 60 years for a new kidney? The whole country’s a bunch of parka-wearing, draft-dodging, chickenshit cowards who didn’t have the balls to stay home and fight the Vietcong to preserve our American way of life.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 1: Frank the Plank
“Be brave, son! Order room service.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 3: Order Room Service
“I call this beer, Milk Of The Gods.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 5: I’m the Liver
“We have a moral duty to rip this asshole off.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 8: Sleepwalking
“Why was the broom late for the meeting? It overswept.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 7: Ouroboros
“Dying is lonely.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 5: Drugs Actually
“Get hard drugs. Make daddy proud. ”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 4: Like Father, Like Daughter
“I wouldn’t be here unless I was desperate.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 2: Summertime
“Expenses? Alcohol and drugs is non-negotiable.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Season 8: Church of Gay Jesus
“I am whatever I need to be at the time I need to be it.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 3: Frank the Plumber
“Minimum wage? Just a fancy term for industrialized slavery.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 7: The Defenestration of Frank
“Nobody’s saying our neighborhood is the Garden of Eden. Hell, some people say God avoids this place altogether. But it’s been a good home to us, to me and my kids, who I’m proud of, ’cause every single one of them reminds me a little bit of me.”

 Frank Gallagher, The Big Bang Theory, Season 1: Pilot
“Prison is no place for a man with naturally tight glutes.”

 Frank Gallagher, Shameless, Shameless Season 5: Uncle Carl


(Frank is screaming at the lake…)

Frank Gallagher (to God): That all you got? That’s it? I’m still here, you f**ker! Frank Gallagher! I’m alive! You see me? You see me standing here? You lost, a**hole! I’m alive, motherf**ker! Me, Frank Gallagher! Alive. Alive.

(Frank is called into school, because Carl is bullying other students…)

Frank Gallagher: Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It’s a vaccine. And you little sh*ts, you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That’s what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he’s 30 because he got bullied today. You want your kid to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You’re welcome.

Carl Gallagher: What if I want to cure cancer?

Frank Gallagher: Be lucky you don’t get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.

(Doctors told Frank he’ll die if he won’t stop drinking alcohol…)

Frank Gallagher: Tragedy makes kids tough, Fiona.

Fiona Gallagher: Then be the fabulous narcissist that you are, and do it for yourself.

Frank Gallagher: What if I don’t want to change?

Fiona Gallagher: Then I would know what I’ve always feared is true.

Frank Gallagher: What is that?

Fiona Gallagher: That you don’t give a sh*t about any of us. So do it for you. Do it for your kids. It doesn’t matter. Do it.

Fiona Gallagher: He said if you don’t stop drinking, you’re gonna die. As in dead, you know, like, no longer living? And soon.

Frank Gallagher: When did you start to care?

Fiona Gallagher: Not sure that I do. I’ve dreamt about your death. Put money in a collection box and prayed for it. Blew out my birthday candles, wished for it. If it actually ever happened, I don’t know if I’d feel relief or guilt.

Frank Gallagher (laughs): Your birthday candles?

Fiona Gallagher: I wrote a letter to Santa once.

Frank Gallagher: So I’m supposed to stop drinking so that you don’t feel guilty?

Fiona Gallagher: No. You’re supposed to stop drinking because you have children at home who love you. And I don’t know why. Who would be destroyed if anything happened to you.

Fiona Gallagher: The doctor talk to you, Frank?

Frank Gallagher: Yeah. “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, stop drinking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

Fiona Gallagher: He told me you were really sick.

Frank Gallagher: Do I look really sick to you? (flexes)

Fiona Gallagher: Said you were throwing up blood.

Frank Gallagher: That’s ’cause I’ve got too much of it in me. It’s a filtration process. My body knows how to flush itself out.

(Police is arresting Carl…)

Police officer: We’re taking your son in for questioning.

Frank Gallagher: He didn’t do the heist. I did. You see? Shiny, but a little bit big. I also got a boatload of electronics. Those sold fast. Did you know Chicago has several 24-hour pawn shops? He didn’t… He’s innocent. I forced him to give me the code. Didn’t I, son? Tell him. Oh, my God. He’s dumber than a bag of hair. He couldn’t pull off a Band-Aid, much less a robbery. Okay, here, cuff me before I get disorderly. Be brave, son. Order room service.

Ian Gallagher: What happened?

Lip Gallagher: Hell froze over.

(Sheila’s grandson is gonna be taken care of by his other grandparents…)

Sheila Jackson: I’m just packing up some of his favorite toys.

Frank Gallagher: Made in china, just like him.

Sheila Jackson: No wonder he likes ’em so much.

Frank Gallagher: Must be a sense memory thing with the lead paint.

Carl Gallagher: Why would a dude put his penis in another dude’s mouth?

Frank Gallagher: Well, sometimes men discover things about themselves like they prefer male genitalia to female genitalia.

Carl Gallagher: Wait. So some guys like to lick wieners?

Frank Gallagher: Well, I’m sure at first they’re attracted to each other’s build. And once a connection gets made, then the wieners get licked.

Carl Gallagher: Dad?

Frank Gallagher: Yeah?

Carl Gallagher: What’s this? (holds up a sex toy)

Frank Gallagher: Uh, that’s a pacifier for your anus.

Terry Milkovich: Gallagher!

Frank Gallagher: I paid you! I paid you, Terry!

(Frank is running away, but Terry is going after Ian…)

Monica Gallagher: What the fuck, Milkovich?!

Terry Milkovich: Get the fuck off me, you crazy bitch; this ain’t about you.

Monica Gallagher: Frank, what the hell did you do?

Frank Gallagher: Why is it always my fault?

Terry Milkovich: My… little… princess…

Monica Gallagher: Leave him alone!

Terry Milkovich: My Mandy’s pregnant, and this little shit’s gonna pay.

Frank Gallagher (gives Ian a thumbs up): Atta boy.

(Frank and a homeless man watch Steve coach football…)

Frank Gallagher: I wish I’d had a girl coach. I’d totally tap that.

Homeless man: Yeah. I love long hair.

Frank Gallagher: No, no, no. The one with the little brunette pixieish cut. Man… Like a 1963 brunette Mia Farrow. No titties, all ass. Just sit and spin her all night long. Heaven.

Homeless man: I-I think that’s a dude.

Frank Gallagher: Sheila makes a top-notch breakfast.

Peggy Gallagher: I’m good with my smokes and coffee.

Sheila Jackson: We don’t smoke in the house.

Peggy Gallagher: Well, good. I won’t have to share.

Frank Gallagher: Big responsibility, being a parent.

Lip Gallagher: Is that right?

Frank Gallagher: That’s what I’m trying to tell you. My philosophy. You got to let kids learn for themselves.

Lip Gallagher: You mean, fend for themselves?

Frank Gallagher: You give a man a fish, you’ve fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you’ve fed him for a lifetime. I raise fishermen. The best gift you can give, neglect. Neglect fosters self-reliance. Now, do the right thing. Split. Not our fault she was careless.

Frank Gallagher: It’s not sex if you can’t remember it.

Kevin Ball: Well, then you’re a virgin, Frank.

Related Post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *