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Best Eric Cartman Quotes 2021

Eric Theodore Cartman is one of the four central characters on the television series titled, ‘South Park’.

Eric plays the role of the antagonist in most instances amidst his three friends and they all have an unstable friendship with Eric. Although he is shown to be a poor student and a manipulator at school, he possesses excellent leadership skills.

He is seen mostly in a red jacket, yellow mittens and a blue hat with a yellow puffball on top, brown pants, black shoes, and white socks in the series. However, his apparel changes in different episodes from the series. He is overweight but constantly lives in denial of this. Cartman is a character who is known to speak other languages like Spanish and German as well as English. He also has various other talents and is a ventriloquist. He is intolerant towards hippies, which is something he makes comments about. He has a long history of criminal records. Eric is known to have the highest number of fans on social media among all the other characters.

Funny Cartman Quotes

Throughout the series, Cartman is known to repeat certain dialogues that bring the right amount of comedy and enjoyment in the series. His mispronunciation always annoys his friends because he pronounced their names wrong as well as spoke in a strange accent. He is in complete denial of his weight trouble throughout the show and loves to snack. Here are quotes that he always says and other funny quotes too.

('South Park' is a funny show and many Eric Cartman quotes are hilarious too.

1.”I’m not just sure, Butters. I’m HIV Positive.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

2.”Being a sellout is sweet.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

3.”Love is like taking a dump, Butters.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

4.”Words cannot express how much I hate you guys.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

5.”Stan, don’t you know the first law of physics? Anything that’s fun costs at least eight dollars.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

6.”Respect My Authoritah.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

7.”I’m not fat, I’m festively plump.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

8.”I’m not fat, I’m big-boned.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

9.”I’m not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

10.”I’m not fat! I’m getting in shape.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

11.”Hippies, they’re everywhere”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

12.”I know enough to exploit it.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

13.”I made you eat your parents.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

14.”No kitty, This is my Pot Pie!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

15.”Starvin’ Marvin, that’s my pot pie!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

16.”Ants in the pants?! ANTS IN THE PANTS?!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

17.”Casa Bonita: Was it worth it? Totally…”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

18.”Screw you guys, I’m going home”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

19.”Don’t ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it’s just how he seems to be rolling right now.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

20.”How do I reeeach these Kiids?”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

21.”I clocked you at 40MPH back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah?”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

22.”I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

‘South Park’ Cartman Quotes

Throughout 'South Park', Cartman is presented as an obese character.

Did you know that many of the characters in the series are inspired by real-life characters? Even Cartman’s character is based on a real-life character. In the Show, Cartman says ‘ku’ instead of ‘cool’ which happens primarily because he speaks from behind his teeth. Here are quotes from the South Park show.

23.”If you had the chance to go back right now and stop Hitler, Wouldn’t you do it?”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

24.”I’ve learned something too: selling out is sweet because, when you sell it out, you get to make a lot of money, you don’t have to hang out with a bunch of poor losers like you guys.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

25.”If dolphins are so smart, why do they live in igloos?… Dolphins, Eskimos who cares?”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

26.”Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

27.”In ‘ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then they find a magical camel, which they have to eat to stay alive. And that’s pretty much it. I give it B-minus.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

28.”…this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

29.”It’s an Afganistan goat, so it can’t stay here”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

30.”The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

31.”No dude, independent films are that black-and-white hippie movie.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

32.”I’m not walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

33.”I would never kill somebody.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

34.”Too bad drinking scotch isn’t a paying job, or else Kenny’s dad would be a millionaire.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

35.”Kenny’s family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

36.”Aw, it smells like Kenny’s house in here!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

37.”Speak to me, Helen. Let me be your voice…channel your spirit through me!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

38.”Mom, tell them how everyone in your family was big-boned. Tell them how they were fat, but grew into their bodies when they got older.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

39.“They’re not people! They’re hippies!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

40.”Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk?

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

41.”Alright y’all, keep your eyes peeled and your guns ready. There are a heap of Mexicans out there who want nothing more than sneak past our border, and we’ve got to stop them!”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

42.”Do British people count as an ethnicity for hate crimes?”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

43.”Thank you Rumpertumskin. And what do you think about me, Clyde frog.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

44.”I’m the deadly Mexican staring frog… of Southern Sri Lanka. I’m very scary.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

45.”She’s really smart and funny.”

-Cartman,

‘South Park’

46.”Sorry, I’m not interested in being friends with midgets.”

-Cartman, ‘South Park’

47.”I’ve had to ride my bike here, my behind is killing me.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

48.”Your tears are so yummy and sweet. Ohhh, the tears immeasurable sadness! Yummy, You Guys.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

49.”Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an American woman.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

50.”What are you supposed to be, Stan, Howdy Doody?”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

Best Cartman Quotes

The best episodes in the ‘South Park’ series include, ‘Imaginationland’ season 11; episodes 10-12, ‘Scott Tenorman must die’ season 5; episode 4 and ‘Make Love, Not Warcraft’ season 10; episode 8 among others. Cartman’s character is so popular that he is considered to be a pop-culture icon. Here are some of the best Cartman quotes.

51.”The only way to fight hate is even more hate.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

52.”Yeah, Hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you don’t want to shoot anything!”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

53.”Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I’m living proof. Beefcake!”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

54.” You guys, I had a dream of how I can make ten million dollars. You ready?… Boy Band.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

55.”I hate you! I want you to die!”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

56.”I am nothing like a family guy! When I make jokes, they are inherent to a story- deep, situational, and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point! Not just one random, interchangeable joke after another.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

57.”All I think about is the problems our generation is inheriting. Climate change, over fishing, Kyle…I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything?

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

58.”Do you know what love is Scott? I’ll tell you one thing, it’s not the happy ending that Disney movies promised us. There’s no ‘happily ever after’. There’s just work and anger and pain and more work, and then, every once in a while, a little bit of fun.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

59.”I never heard the words ‘only’ and ‘candy’ in the same sentence before.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

60.”Somebody’s gotta eat all that bacon, Kyle…might as well be us. Welcome to the firm.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

61.”Sorry, I don’t make up the rules, I just think them up and write them down.”

-Eric Cartman, ‘South Park’

Eric Cartman Quotes

  • “The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Ike’s Wee Wee
  • “Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I’m sick of it! It’s completely immature!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
  • “No, dude, independent films are those black-and-white hippie movies. They’re always about gay cowboys eating pudding.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls
  • Stan: My uncle Jimbo says that after this he’s gonna take me hunting in Africa.

    Kyle: Wow. That’d be cool.

    Cartman: My mom says there’s a lot of black people in Africa.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Volcano
  • Cartman: I’m not the one walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking.

    Stan: Well, at least my mom isn’t on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
  • Cartman: You were right, doctor. Everything is okay.

    Doctor: No, it’s not. Eric, I’m afraid we accidentally infected you with the AIDS virus.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 12: Tonsil Trouble
  • “The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 9: Ginger Kids
  • “I’m not fat, I just have a sweet hockey body.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 7: Grey Dawn
  • Cartman: I would never kill somebody. Unless they pissed me off.

    Grampa: Oh, is that a fact? Well, let me tell ya something, Porky. Your mom was over here earlier, and I humped her like a little bitch!

    Cartman [shocked]: What?

    Grampa: That’s right!

    Stan: Grampa!

    Grampa: And then, I dug up your great-grandma’s skeleton, and had my way with her too.

    Cartman: Hey!

    Grampa: Choice piece of it, your great-grandma.

    Cartman: You piece of crap! I’ll kill you!

    Grampa: That’s the spirit, Tubby!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Death
  • Cartman: Aw…dude. You shot him in the dick.

    Butters: Huh?

    Cartman: That’s not cool Butters. You don’t shoot a guy in the dick.

    Butters: But I was just trying to stop him and you said—

    Cartman: It doesn’t matter, Butters! You never shoot a guy in the dick! Everyone knows that! Shooting a guy in the dick!? That’s just…that’s just weak…I can’t believe you, Butters.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 12: The China Probrem
  • “Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman’s boobs? … Jewbs!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 10: The Return of Chef
  • Mrs. Cartman: Eric, I just got a call from your friend Kyle’s mother. She said that this show is naughty and might make you a potty-mouth.

    Cartman: That’s a bunch of crap. Kyle’s mom is a dirty Jew!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Death
  • “Speak to me, Helen. Let me be your voice. [nothing happens] Come on, you blind bitch! Channel your spirit through me!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 4: Helen Keller! The Musical
  • Stan: I don’t want to shoot the bunny.

    Jimbo: No nephew of mine is going to be a tree-hugger!

    Cartman: Yeah, hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you don’t want to shoot anything!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Volcano
  • Kyle: Cartman, what kind of costume is that?

    Cartman: It’s an Adolf Hitler costume. Sieg heil! Sieg heil!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
  • Cartman: Go back to Endor, you stupid Wookie!

    Kyle: Wookies don’t live on Endor.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
  • “Hey guys, check out this song I made up, it’s called ‘I hate you guys.’ [singing] I hate you guys! You guys are assholes! Especially Kenny! I hate him the most!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 3: Tweek vs. Craig
  • “ Hmm. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Work for you, have my penis cut off. Hmm, let’s see.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 4: The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000
  • “Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty’s ass, I’ll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Summer Sucks
  • Jimmy: What-what’s the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies?

    Cartman: We’re twice the ninjas you fags are!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 8: Good Times with Weapons
  • [after seeing a crop circle on the news that looks just like him]

    Cartman: Hey, that kind of looks like…Tom Selleck.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
  • “Kenny’s family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
  • “Jeez, you’re a little irritable, Kyle. What’s the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 5: It Hits the Fan
  • “Here’s a little dreidel that’s small and made of clay. But I’m not going to play with it ’cause dreidel’s friggin’ gay.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 3: Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics
  • “I can’t lose weight, Butters, because I’m not fat, I’m big-boned. You can’t slim down bones, stupid!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 6: Jared Has Aides
  • “If you want to find some quality friends, you have to wade through all the dicks first.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 14: You Have 0 Friends
  • “Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I’m living proof. Beefcake! Beefcake!
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Weight Gain 4000
  • Stan: If my mom could cook like Cartman’s mom I’d be a big fat ass, too!

    Cartman: That’s right! [realizes he’s been insulted] AY!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Starvin’ Marvin
  • Cartman: Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk?

    Mr. Garrison: I don’t know, Eric, they just do.

    [Kyle sniffs Kenny in disgust]

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
  • Cartman: Mom, tell them how everyone in your family was big-boned. Tell them how they were fat, but grew into their bodies when they got older.

    Liane Cartman: Oh, sweetie, those were all lies. You’re just fat.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 4: Fat Camp
  • [turns around] Alright, y’all, keep your eyes peeled and your guns ready. [spits something out, wipes his lips clean with the back of his shirt sleeve, and returns to patrolling the border] There’s a heap of Mexicans out there who want nothing more than to sneak past our border, and we’ve got to stop them!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 15: The Last of the Meheecans
  • “Oh, really? Gosh, where could I have put Pip’s invitation? Oh, yeah, now I remember! I shoved it up my ass! Yeah, I wrote it out, put it in an envelope, sealed it, and, whoop! Shoved it up my ass, forever ruining any chance you had of coming to my birthday party. Sorry, Pip old chap.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Starvin’ Marvin
  • Cartman: Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she’s my dad, who’s my mom?

    Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman’s mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor?

    Cartman: ARGH, FORGET IT!”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Cartman’s Mom is Still a Dirty Slut
  • Cartman: If dolphins are so smart, why do they live in igloos?

    Stan: Dolphins don’t live in igloos! That’s Eskimos!

    Cartman: Dolphins, Eskimos, who cares? It’s all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Weight Gain 4000
  • “Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 5: Super Best Friends
  • “I’ve learned something too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don’t have to hang out with a bunch of poor ass losers like you guys. Screw you guys, I’m going home.”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls
  • Stan: You suck, Cartman! If you want to play America vs. Bosnia anymore, you can just play with yourself!

    Cartman: That’s fine! I like playing with myself! I’ll play with myself all day long!

    [Kenny laughs]

    Cartman: What?”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Clubhouses
  • Pip: Let’s hear it for Cartman’s big fat ass!

    [Cartman throws stone at Pip, who is struck and falls.]

    Cartman: Do British people count as an ethnicity for hate crimes?

    Others: Nah.

    Cartman: Sweet.”

     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 4: Cartman’s Silly Hate Crime 2000
  • “Aw, it smells like Kenny’s house in here!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Prehistoric Ice Man
  • “You gotta respect my authora-tah!”
     Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye

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