Best Dale Gribble Quotes
Below is a compilation of the best of Dale’s dialogues from the animated sitcom ‘King Of The Hill’. These quotes include quotes from various episodes and seasons, Dale Gribble conspiracy quotes, quotations from his conversations with his friends, family, and next-door neighbors, Dale Gribble government quotes, and many more going through which can help you kill your boredom.
1. “Are you seeing another exterminator! Is he licensed? Is he bonded? Is that what you want, someone who’s licensed and bonded?”
– Dale Gribble.
2. “A level three tornado will blow an egg right through a brick wall. Twister chasers call it Humpty’s Revenge.”
– Dale Gribble.
3. “They’ll probably get you with a blow-dart; that’s their way. But you’ll just think its a mosquito bite until you die, then you’ll know the truth.”
– Dale Gribble.
4. “Why would I have a problem with it? John Redcorn is, and I’ve been friends with him for years!”
– Dale Gribble.
5. “Ten years ago you took my shed. Did you think I’d forget that?”
– Dale Gribble.
6. “By now, your name and particulars have been fed into every laptop, desktop, mainframe, and supermarket scanner that collectively make up the global information conspiracy, otherwise known as… ‘the Beast’.”
– Dale Gribble.
7. “Hank, it sounds like you did everything right except giving away my kidney. And since I traded it for a bunch of kiddie toys, I guess we both let me down.”
– Dale Gribble.
8. “Booooo! I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist, peddling influence! Who wants candy?”
– Dale Gribble.
9. “I thought we agreed to never discuss the horrors we saw on the killing fields of the Family Fun Center.”
– Dale Gribble.
Funny Quotes By Dale Gribble
Dale Gribble is a character who has many sides. One of his most prominent traits in each season of the series is that he is incredibly humorous and very much witty. He does not even have to try hard to make the audience have a good laugh because his presence is funny in itself. Here are some of the best comedy quotes by Dale Gribble from the series that will also make you laugh.
10. “A man breaks into your house, but you don’t own a gun. How are you going to shoot him?”
– Dale Gribble.
11. “This tornado’s already registered a level two on the Fujisaki scale. A storm that strong will send an egg through a barn door – two barn doors if one of them’s open.”
– Dale Gribble.
12. “Run, Hank! Portal to Hell!”
– Dale Gribble.
13. “If you want, I’ll show you how to make a bomb out of a roll of toilet paper and a stick of dynamite.”
– Dale Gribble.
14. “Oh, I’ll add the softener on the ding.”
– Dale Gribble.
15. “If you want, you can read a bloated government report on smoking or go straight to the horse’s mouth and get the facts from the tobacco industry!”
– Dale Gribble.
16. “You have bully-ragged this production and stifled my creativity from Day One. It is now Day Two. I quit!”
– Dale Gribble.
17. “Computers have already beaten the communists at chess. Next thing you know, they’ll be beating humans.”
– Dale Gribble.
18. “We gotta get out of here. The smoking breaks are too short, the food is good at best and the anti-depressants are making my mouth dry and happy.”
– Dale Gribble.
19. “That makes a whole lot of sense… A whole lot of nonsense!”
– Dale Gribble.
Popular ‘King Of Hill’ Quotes By Dale Gribble
‘King Of The Hill’ is a very popular Texas-based animated sitcom that is loved by many. There are some iconic characters present in the series, one of which is Dale Gribble. He is one of the series’s most popular character, and it shows. Here are some of the most famous Dale Gribble quotes from each season of the series that everyone will enjoy.
20. “Guns don’t kill people, the government does.”
– Dale Gribble.
21. “That’s a Gribble of an idea!”
– Dale Gribble.
22. “No. Hank must never know we were in here. Our society stigmatizes the mentally ill… and rightfully so, these people are nuts!”
– Dale Gribble.
23. “Open up your eyes, man. They’re trying to control global warming. Get it? Global.”
– Dale Gribble.
24. “Get away from my wife or next time I’ll aim for the mannequin and hit you.”
– Dale Gribble.
25. “My name is Shackleford, Rusty Shackleford.”
– Dale Gribble.
26. “Hank, I can see your house from up here.”
– Dale Gribble.
27. “Pocket sand! Sh-sh-sha!”
– Dale Gribble.
28. “Are you an alien? Because you’ve just abducted my heart.”
– Dale Gribble.
29. “The peanuts are emitting toxins as an evolutionary defense mechanism. They’re tired of being eaten, and now they’re fighting back.”
– Dale Gribble.
30. “Whoa, hold on, son! I want you to keep an open mind so you can make an informed decision.”
– Dale Gribble.
31. “I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennessee walking horse that was looking at me funny.”
– Dale Gribble.
Hilarious Dale Gribble Quotes
10“Are You Attempting To Know Me?”
Dale isn’t always the warmest or most forthcoming person, and he usually assumes most people are government agents sent to assassinate him. In Season 7, he meets a female exterminator after his neighborhood is overwhelmed by pigeons. They turn out to have quite a bit in common.
While Dale believes they are developing a friendship, the woman has more than platonic feelings for Dale. Once he realizes what’s going on, he shuts the woman down. Dale, it turns out, is both madly in love and completely devoted to his wife Nancy.
9“I Sure Hope They Have Cigarettes In Hell.”
In addition to his sunglasses and orange Mack hat, Dale is always equipped with a pack of cigarettes. He’s a true addict, and he smokes so much that he’s won every rebate prize imaginable from his favorite company, Manitoba Cigarettes.
Throughout the series, in every perilous situation he finds himself in, Dale always pulls out a spare cigarette. He’s intent upon enjoying one last smoke before the end. The end, though, never seems to come.
8“The Peanuts Are Emitting Toxins As An Evolutionary Defense Mechanism. They’re Tired Of Being Eaten, And Now They’re Fighting Back.”
This is one of Dale’s many half-brained conspiracy theories, which usually involves tales of revenge, deep state cover-ups, and sci-fi intrigue. Dale has a massive imagination, and he uses it to conceive of the many ways the world is out to get him.
Dale represents the type of person who buys into all the A.M. radio hosts who spend hours every day riling up listeners with their bombastic ideas. At one point, Dale even sets up his own radio station from his basement on Rainey Street, although his range doesn’t go very far.
7“My Name Is Shackleford, Rusty Shackleford.”
Dale is prepared to give up his life and assume a new identity if the crap hits the proverbial fan. He even has an alter-ego: Rusty Shackleford. This is the name of one of Dale’s classmates, who died when he was young.
Whenever Dale gets wrapped up in ridiculous plots or fears someone is out to get him, he always employs Rusty Shackleford. In Season 11, it turns out Rusty never died, but moved away from Arlen as a child. He comes back to confront Dale about why he’s used his name so much over the years.
6“Why Would I Have A Problem With It? John Redcorn’s Gay, And I’ve Been Friends With Him For Years!”
A running joke throughout the first half of King of Hill involves Dale’s total obliviousness to the fact that his wife Nancy is having an affair with a masseuse named John Redcorn. While it’s clear to everyone around Dale what’s happening, he’s completely in the dark.
The most striking indication of Nancy’s discretion is the son she shares with Dale, Joseph, who is a mirror image of John Redcorn. Still, Dale has no idea what’s going on. It seems Dale is too focused on bigger schemes to realize what’s happening in his own backyard.
5“Are You An Alien? Because You’ve Just Abducted My Heart.”
Dale’s speculations about the true nature of the government include alien invasions, and it’s implied he suspects they have infiltrated the top political offices in the country. He’s spent endless hours on the internet attempting to find justification for his beliefs.
When Dale tries to flirt with his wife, he uses his extraterrestrial knowledge to come up with a pretty clever pick-up line.
4“I Hear Mega Lo Mart Is Taking Bids For A Rat Problem.”
Dale is an effective exterminator, yet he rarely takes the proper precautions to protect himself from the toxic fumes he emits or the dangerous creatures he encounters. He’s also known to keep dead carrion in his freezer. Gross.
At one point, Dale becomes so sick from the chemicals he uses to kill pests that he’s told by doctors he will die if he keeps exterminating. In true form, Dale refuses to stop until he finds himself in a hospital bed.
3“Pocket Sand! Sh-Sh-Sha!”
Dale believes he’s a talented fighter, an advanced martial artist, and a prepared survivalist. However, whenever he ends up in scary situations, he’s always the first to crack.
In Season 6, Dale loses his bid to become president of the Arlen Gun Club after accidentally firing his gun during a meeting. Hank comes up with a plan to give Dale a boost of confidence after the defeat. It turns out Dale has been posting a private investigator ad in Soldier of Fortune magazine for years, and Hank calls in to request Dale’s help in a made-up problem. It doesn’t go as planned, but Dale does get to employ his pocket sand defense.
2“Open Up Your Eyes, Man. They’re Trying To Control Global Warming. Get It? Global.”
Dale manages to turn any normal conversation into a strange discussion of intrigue and trickery. When Arlen is hit with a terrible heatwave, Dale uses his distorted logic to connect the high temperatures to a major cabal.
According to Dale, global warming is part of an international plot to control the weather and, thus, people. His proof is in the title.
1“Booooo! I Am A High-Priced Washington Lobbyist, Peddling Influence! Who Wants Candy?”
One Halloween, Dale comes up with the scariest costume he can imagine: a Washington lobbyist. One benefit of Dale’s decades of research into the government is that he has pretty substantial knowledge of how it works.
He’s able to help his friends navigate bureaucracy, find important documents, and work through legal issues. Even if Dale is ready to bail at the slightest indication of hazard, he’s not always the worst person to have around.
