1. “I am the Great Cornholio, I need T.P. for my bunghole” -Beavis

2. “Uh, hey, baby.” “Damn we’re smooth.” “We’re gonna score” -Beavis and Butthead

3. “Do you have T.P. for my bunghole? I would hate for my holio to get polio.” -Beavis as Cornholio

4. “Settle down Beavis. This is only gonna hurt for like a minute or something.” – Butthead

5. “Thinking sucks” -Beavis “Work sucks, let’s go break something” -Butthead

6. “Hey Butt-head, I dreamed I was at school last night. Do you think that counts for attendance?”- Beavis

7. Beavis, you monkeyspank. -Butthead “Shut-up fart knocker!!” -Beavis

8. BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW -Beavis and Butthead

9.“My list includes any girl with at least one boob” Butthead “My list is like your list, but it also includes your MOM” -Beavis

10. “Shut up Butthead, we’re never gonna score, everyone here has probably scored. This old lady probably scores” -Beavis In Beavis and Butthead The Movie- Tour Bus Scene

11. “These dudes are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes” -Butthead About a KISS video

12. Beavis, you’re gonna keep talking about loogies, and I’m gonna be too busy swinging around my gigantic schlong. – Butt-head

13. “I will fight for you until your heart stops beating…can I have some of your popcorn?”-Butt-Head to an unsuspecting fellow moviegoer.

14. “How come there aren’t any, like, women in his lair?”
”They’re probably out doing his bidding.” -Beavis and Butt-Head discussing a homeless man, whom they believe to be a werewolf.

15.“Thank you oh great master for your wisdom, but we were wondering if you could, like, bite us.”-Butt-Head, to the homeless man whom he believes to be a werewolf.

16. “Yeah I know they’re medical marvels and all, but I really don’t want to change their catheters again.”-a nurse tending to a comatose Beavis and Butt-Head.

17. “Hey, Beavis. This guy’s your dad.”-Butt-Head referring to Yanni after watching one of his videos

18. “Beavis, you are one stupid son of a bitch”-Butthead

19. Dammit Beavis, you just sent my boner to the ground.- Butt-head

20. “Come to Butthead”-Butthead

21. Say one more bad thing about Metallica and I’ll kick your ass! – Beavis to Butt-head

22. These guys remind me of Danzig and my butt.
Beavis: That’s not very nice, Butt-Head.
Butt-head: Yeah it is. My butt rules! -Butthead Said while watching a Type O Negative video

23. “If they like, did this chart long enough, they would find out where herpes began.” – Beavis and butthead ripping on a Jersey Shore Episode, one of the girls is going over a chart of all the people she hooked up with.

24. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I simply cannot have students roaming the halls, disrupting other classes, and giving prophecies of a great plague!- Principal McVicker

25. “Shut up Beavis before I kick your ass so hard it’ll turn inside-out and come out your mouth.”-Butthead

26. (Discussing a SCAT video) Beavis: “They should have a name for this kind of music.” Butt-head: “They already do Beavis, crap.”

27. (911 call while Butt-head is choking) 911 dispatcher: “Have you performed the Heimlich on him?” Beavis: “Have I licked his rectum? No, but there was this one time me and Butt-head were playing truth or dare…”

28. “Man I tell what, I felt like a one-legged cat try’in to burry turd’s on a frozen pond out there.”- Tom

29. “Did you know when you eat rump roast you’re eating a cow’s butt?” -Beavis

30. “Nachos rule!!” -Beavis and Butthead

31. “If you love something, and you set it free, and it doesn’t come back, you’re a dumbass.” -Butthead

32. “Butt-head, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?”-Beavis

33. “Check it out Butt-head, this chicken has three boobs. How many butts does she have?”- Beavis

34. “Beavis, your balls are filthy. Take them to the ball washer immediately.”-Butthead

35. “If you took an x-ray of your weiner would you see a bone?”-Beavis

36. “Beavis, why and the hell do you wanna kiss your ass?”-Beavis

37. “Beavis you dumbass! There always has been TV! There’s just more channels now!” -Butthead

38. “Beaver kicks ass!”-Beavis

39. “Uh, your cow’s like, broken sir.”-Butthead

 

Beavis and Butthead Quotes 2011 episodes 1-7

 

40. Episode 1 – Regarding a homeless man they believe to be a werewolf:

”How come there aren’t any, like, women in his lair?”
”They’re probably out doing his bidding.”

41. Episode 2 – Butthead to a caller on a tech-support hotline:

”Do people ever tell you sound boring on the phone? Can you like, shut up, and tell me how to get this computer to show porn?”

42. Episode 2 – “Abandoned Drive-ins kick ass.” -Butt-Head

43. Episode 3 – Beavis and Butthead experience an army base:

”Where’s the bathroom around here?”
”Eh, I don’t know. I think they call it something else in the army. Like, the ‘mess hall’ or something.”

44. Episode 3 – “A bed shouldn’t have instructions. Except for, like, ‘Sleep.'”
– Beavis, on Ikea.

45. Episode 4 – Beavis and Butthead give commentary on a music video:

”Is that a lesbian or a Mexican?”
”You’re not supposed to say those words, Butt-Head.”

46. Episode 5 – Butthead returns from using the restroom while at work:

”Hey, Beavis! I just thought of something. I’m at work, but, like, I wasn’t working. I just got paid to take a dump.”

47. Episode 5 -“So what made you want to shine a light on the issue of teen obesity?”
”Uhh, we wanted to get famous and score. So we, like, ate a lot of Burger World food.” -Martin a classmate asks Beavis why he’s only eating fast food for 30 days.

48. Episode 6 – Beavis confronts a rat eating his nachos:

”That son of a bitch ate our nachos.”
”That’s right, Beavis, and that is a crime for which it must be punished.”

49. Episode 6 – “I’m gonna report this! this is a health violation!”
”Yeah, the food here sucks.”
-A woman complains to Burger World employee Butt-Head after finding a rat in her order.

50. Episode 7 – Butthead talks to a scientist who has survived the apocalypse:
”I see your spacesuit, like, saved you from the acopalypse–so do you wanna, like, recopulate the earth?”

Beavis and Butthead quotes

Beavis and Butthead have generated numerous quotes; these quotes are meant to inspire you and enhance your mood. This article will take you through Beavis and Butthead quotes to keep you motivated to achieve your life’s objectives.

1. “Shut up Butthead, we’re never gonna score, everyone here has probably scored. This old lady probably scores” -Beavis in Beavis and Butthead The Movie- Tour Bus Scene.

2. “Thank you oh great master for your wisdom, but we were wondering if you could, like, bite us.”-Butt-Head, to the homeless man whom he believes to be a werewolf.

3. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I simply cannot have students roaming the halls, disrupting other classes, and giving prophecies of a great plague! – Principal McVicker.

4. Episode 7 – Butthead talks to a scientist who has survived the apocalypse: “I see your spacesuit, like, saved you from the acopalypse–so do you wanna, like, recopulate the earth?”

5. “[watching a Violent Femmes video] I don’t understand what the big deal is about breaking up. I’d just be like “Hey baby, get lost. We can still do it and stuff, but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” Beavis and Butt-head.

6. “Y’know, like, this band sucks. But it’s like, they suck like, in new ways, y’know. Like, they suck in ways we haven’t, like, seen stuff suck before,” Butt-head.

7. “Everybody thinks babies are cute. Well they’re not so cute when they are yours, I’ll tell you that right now! Crapping and puking all over you! They cost a damn fortune to feed and all they do is make your life a misery, just like what you’re doing to your parents right now!” Coach Buzzcut.

8. “Why don’t you try this experiment? Analyze the friction caused by digitally oscillating your wiener!” Daria Morgendorffer.

9. “[as Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address] When I almost scored with four chicks seven years ago, this one chick’s father brought forth upon me a prostitute. Huh-huh. Because some dudes just weren’t created equal. Huh-huh,” Butt-head.

10. “And when this “magic bullet” went into the President’s chest, it had to make a sharp turn in order to exit his body from the neck. Then it would have had to turn right, then left, and somehow have enough energy to hit the Governor in the front seat. Clearly, the assassination was a conspiracy,” Daria.

11. Episode 5 -“So what made you want to shine a light on the issue of teen obesity?” “Uhh, we wanted to get famous and score. So we, like, ate a lot of Burger World food.” -Martin a classmate asks Beavis why he’s only eating fast food for 30 days.

12. “Man I tell what, I felt like a one-legged cat try’ in to burry turd’s on a frozen pond out there,”- Tom.

13. “Yeah I know they’re medical marvels and all, but I really don’t want to change their catheters again.”-a nurse tending to a comatose Beavis and Butt-Head.

14. “Thank you oh great master for your wisdom, but we were wondering if you could, like, bite us.”-Butt-Head, to the homeless man whom he believes to be a werewolf.

15. “Hey Butt-head, I dreamed I was at school last night. Do you think that counts for attendance?”- Beavis.

16. “My list includes any girl with at least one boob” Butthead “My list is like your list, but it also includes your MOM” –Beavis.

17. “I am the Great Cornholio, I need T.P. for my bunghole” –Beavis.

18. “Thinking sucks” -Beavis “Work sucks, let’s go break something” –Butthead.

19. “If you love something, and you set it free, and it doesn’t come back, you’re a dumbass.” –Butthead.

20. “We’re never gonna score! We’ll get cars and like, we’ll get jobs, and we’ll have to like, mow lawns and scrub the grill, but we’re never gonna score ever! It’s gonna suck!” Beavis.

21. “Mr. O’Brien: Alright, now I’m gonna ask you some questions. Failure to be truthful, and your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt. Do you understand?

Butt-head: Uh…yeah. [detector buzzes ‘false’] Uh huh huh. Uh, I mean, no. [detector dings ‘true’] Huh huh huh.”

22. “Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search! I’m talking Roto-Rooter! Don’t stop until you reach the back of his teeth!” Agent flaming.

23. “If they like, did this chart long enough, they would find out where herpes began.” – Beavis and butthead ripping on a Jersey Shore Episode, one of the girls is going over a chart of all the people she hooked up with.

24. “Beavis, your balls are filthy. Take them to the ball washer immediately.”-Butthead.

25. President Clinton: Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country.

Butt-head: Huh huh huh, he said extend!

Beavis: Oh, yeah!

26. Little Old Lady: I’m sorry, son. I got this ringin’ in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.

Beavis: Really? I poop too much.

Little Old Lady: Oh. Maybe you’re… lactose-intolerant.

Beavis: No, no. I POOP TOO MUCH! Then I get tired.

27. “And what about your patent disregard for Beavis! Do you not care a rat’s ass for the safety of your closest companion!?” Buzzcut.

29. “Uh, hey, baby.” “Damn we’re smooth.” “We’re gonna score” -Beavis and Butthead.

30. Beavis, you monkeyspank. -Butthead “Shut-up fart knocker!!” –Beavis.

31. BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAW -Beavis and Butthead.

32. Beavis, you’re gonna keep talking about loogies, and I’m gonna be too busy swinging around my gigantic schlong. – Butthead

32. “How come there aren’t any, like, women in his lair?” “They’re probably out doing his bidding.” -Beavis and Butt-Head discussing a homeless man, whom they believe to be a werewolf.

33. “Hey, Beavis. This guy’s your dad.”-Butt-Head referring to Yanni after watching one of his videos.

34. These guys remind me of Danzig and my butt. Beavis: That’s not very nice, Butt-Head. Butt-head: Yeah it is. My butt rules! -Butthead Said while watching a Type O Negative video.

35. “Shut up Beavis before I kick your ass so hard it’ll turn inside-out and come out your mouth.”-Butthead

36. (911 call while Butt-head is choking) 911 dispatcher: “Have you performed the Heimlich on him?” Beavis: “Have I licked his rectum? No, but there was this one time me and Butt-head were playing truth or dare…”

37. “Check it out Butt-head, this chicken has three boobs. How many butts does she have?”- Beavis

38. “If you love something, and you set it free, and it doesn’t come back, you’re a dumbass.” –Butthead

39. Episode 2 – Butthead to a caller on a tech-support hotline: “Do people ever tell you sound boring on the phone? Can you like, shut up, and tell me how to get this computer to show porn?”

40. Episode 6 – “I’m gonna report this! this is a health violation!” “Yeah, the food here sucks.” -A woman complains to Burger World Employee Butt-Head after finding a rat in her order.

41. “Man I tell what, I felt like a one-legged cat try ’in to burry turds on a frozen pond out there.”- Tom.

42. “If you took an x-ray of your weiner would you see a bone?”-Beavis.

43. “Butt-head, is it normal for the inside of your bunghole to itch?”-Beavis

44. Episode 1 – Regarding a homeless man they believe to be a werewolf: “How come there aren’t any, like, women in his lair?” “They’re probably out doing his bidding.”

45. “I am the Great Cornholio! I need T.P. for by Bunghole – Bevis as Cornholio”- Butt-Head

46. “Shut up, Beavis before I kick your ass so hard it’’ll turn inside –out and come out of your mouth,” Beavis and Butt head.