Best Asshole Quotes 2021


#1. The whole purpose of climbing something like Everest is to effect some sort of spiritual and physical gain. But if you compromise the process you’re an asshole when you start out and an asshole when you get back. – Author: Yvon Chouinard

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#2. Only a complete asshole would keep repeating the same old mistakes and blaming it on something else. Hell, we have all had it hard. It may not seem like it, – Author: Sister Souljah

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#3. Wrong, asshole. Your body makes you male. Your brain and your heart – big and strong as ever – they make you a man. – Author: Susan Fanetti

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#4. It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible. – Author: Alexei Maxim Russell

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#5. To put it another way: No matter what a young person thinks he or she is really hot stuff at doing, he or she is sooner or later going to run into somebody in the same field who will cut him or her a new asshole, so to speak. – Author: Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

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#6. They all said the way to a man’s heart was through his asshole. – Author: Edmund White

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#7. You’re an asshole, you know that?’ I asked him. It figured he would pick today to be funny and personable, but I wasn’t in the mood.

He smiled. ‘I know. I work really hard at it. – Author: Maggie Barbieri

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#8. It takes one asshole to ruin the whole thing. That’s it. One. The problem with the world is one asshole comes up with a really bad idea and now we’re all taking our shoes off at the airport. – Author: Steven Soderbergh

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#9. Nobody will press your buttons
or reflect your asshole to you better than your woman. She will point
out your weaknesses better than a boot camp drill sergeant. – Author: David Deida

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#10. So are there any asshole guys here I can start dating?’ she says. ‘That’s, like, my pattern. – Author: Gillian Flynn

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#11. I’m gay but I’m not a necrophiliac you asshole. – Author: Leonard Norman

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#12. Don’t listen to this asshole, Frank,” laughed Kyle. “The kid is sitting there wearing a Dying Fetus t-shirt and talking sexual morality.” “Well – Author: Jeff O’Brien

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#13. Jesus, he wasn’t a dick, he was an asshole and he had some serious fucking work to do. “She – Author: Kristen Ashley

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#14. I tell him the ugly duckling grew up to be a huge asshole.” “Why? – Author: Alex Flinn

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#15. Any asshole can chase a skirt, art takes discipline. – Author: Charles Bukowski

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#16. She had the kind of looks that had probably been quite pretty in high school, but were now worn down by years of smoking cigarettes, raising children, and the disappointment of being married to an asshole. – Author: Tami Hoag

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#17. Yes, he’s an equal opportunity asshole,” Szilard said. “And he’s aware of it, which he thinks means it’s okay. – Author: John Scalzi

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#18. Her last call, at midnight, had been the worst. “I’ll pull your cock out of your asshole,” she’d said, and for some reason her voice at that moment had reminded him of his mother’s. – Author: Bentley Little

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#19. Breakups are tough,” Isabella said. “But you got through it!” “I’m glad you’re over him,” Shannon said. “Now you need to go find another asshole to fuck with your head. – Author: Jennifer Close

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#20. Naked Mr. America, burning frantic with self bone love, screams out: My asshole confounds the Louvre! I fart ambrosia and shit pure gold turds! My cock spurts soft diamonds in the morning sunlight! – Author: William S. Burroughs

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#21. He never wanted to hurt someone. Well, not like that, at least. He was a sadist, not an asshole. – Author: Tymber Dalton

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#22. You just turned down the woman who put a marshmallow duck in your hot chocolate. I hope you feel like a real asshole now. – Author: Rachel Vincent

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#23. Asshole cunt peepee fuck.” “Ah,” grinned Old Sludge, showing his one tooth, “going to the company store to get some algae chewies, huh?” “Goddamn poopoo,” I would grin back at him. – Author: Dan Simmons

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#24. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. – Author: George Carlin

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#25. Dear Asshole: Thank you for keeping your word and believing me. It was more than I expected. Also, I’m sorry you were inconvenienced by my gluing your locker shut at the beginning of this year. However, I am not sorry that I did it, because it was a lot of fun. Love, Alex. – Author: Francesca Zappia

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#26. People have these weird ideas about artists being romantic, generous people, and sometimes I feel like an asshole, a selfish kid, a brat, the lucky one, because I get to do this and it’s how I make my living. – Author: Nate Lowman

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#27. He was twisted as a pretzel, he was a tinfoil-halo shitnosed frogstomping king rat asshole, but he wasn’t stupid. – Author: Margaret Atwood

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#28. Aliens – if they exist – are little green men with big eyes and spindly arms or … or giant insects or something like a lumpy
little creature.” Daemon let out a loud laugh. “ET?”
“Yes! Like ET, asshole. I’m so glad you find this funny. – Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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#29. I’m sorry, Eve. I love you. I’m not letting you do this.”
She screamed and battered harder. “You love me? You asshole! Let me go! – Author: Rachel Caine

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#30. So many of the people who want to be like Steve have the asshole side down. What they’re missing is the genius part. – Author: Brent Schlender

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#31. You paying good money?”

“For what?”

“Information, asshole. You was the one said it.”

“Depends on the information. But please, I had asshole legally dropped from my name.

“That was a mistake. – Author: Joe R. Lansdale

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#32. You say asshole; I say hole of the ass, but we say same thing, yes?” – Babushka Ivanov – Author: Jessie Lane

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#33. Do you have some kind of syndrome that makes you act this way, or are you just a rude, socially inept asshole? – Author: Annabel Joseph

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#34. Where’s Spencer?” I ask after looking around. “And everyone else?” It’s just me, Ronin, and this asshole named after a truck. – Author: J.A. Huss

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#35. Asshole,” Ephraim muttered as he turned back around.
Chris chuckeled. “Is that really any way to talk to your favorite child?”
“You’re not my favorite,” Ephraim argued, but they both knew that was bullshit. “I don’t have any favorites.”
“Puhlease,” Chris said. “You fucking adore me … – Author: R.L. Mathewson

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#36. It was something about all the stupid stuff Torian wouldn’t have to do anymore – like put up with asshole tourists who peed on your house at Mardi Gras. – Author: Julie Smith

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#37. being an asshole doesn’t make you seem like a rock star–it just makes you seem like an asshole. – Author: Jesse Cannon

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#38. I’m going to kill David Lapinski!” America announced, shaking snow out of her hair as she approached.
“Direct hit!” Shepley laughed. America shot him a warning glare and his laugh turned into a nervous chuckle. “I mean … what an asshole. – Author: Jamie McGuire

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#39. He decided he’d rather die as a fundamentally decent human being than live as the sort of asshole who’d tear out someone’s liver to get into an escape pod. – Author: John Scalzi

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#40. Some asshole scraped the ‘I’ out of INVESTIGATOR with their keys six months ago. I simply can’t be bothered to fix that one. For all the work I get, I may as well be an ‘invest gator – Author: Warren Ellis

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#41. Instead, I have the alien version of Grumpy Cat, and he just roped and tied me like a calf at a rodeo. Asshole. – Author: Ruby Dixon

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#42. You know that Kate called Walter a heartless bastard?”
“And an asshole. I am quite proud. – Author: Aimee Carter

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#43. And how, exactly, do you think I see the world, Mr. Kessler?” Ben leans back in our booth without breaking eye contact with my father. “Through the closed eyes of an arrogant asshole. – Author: Colleen Hoover

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#44. I don’t like him,” said Gus. “Never did. Guy bitches about what he doesn’t have, loses sight of what he does have, and is never happy. He’s what you call a – what’s that word?”
“Pessimist?” said Fet.
Asshole,” said Gus. – Author: Guillermo Del Toro

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#45. Turn off your phone, asshole! Some of us have hangovers! Raegan yelled from her bedroom. – Author: Jamie McGuire

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#46. Some nice lady came over here with food for us all. She claimed to be your mother. I don’t believe it
you’re an asshole, and she’s good people. – Author: Amy Lane

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#47. Some self-control, he continued his lesson for Sir Asshole. “Then the endorphins kicked in to the point where she could no longer engage her brain to make the decision to speak her safeword.” He glanced – Author: Kallypso Masters

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#48. I finally had my prostate checked. And I was super-thankful that I taught my asshole to whistle before the doctor stuck his finger in there. The look on his face was priceless. – Author: Ryan Reynolds

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#49. What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin’? Well you’re not! You’re not! You’re no crazier than the average asshole out walkin’ around on the streets and that’s it. – Author: Ken Kesey

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#50. I could be proud to have survived what some have called the asshole of creation, proud that it held me and couldn’t keep me. But it is dangerous nonsense to believe that anyone contributed much to her own survival. – Author: Ruth Kluger

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#51. On Dealing with Bullies “You’re going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It’s not the size of the asshole you worry about, it’s how much shit comes out of it.” On – Author: Justin Halpern

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#52. I could just call you Asshole or Shithead. Because you’re kinda both, you ask me. – Author: Chuck Wendig

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#53. God, you put up a lot of layers of asshole to keep people out. – Author: Alessandra Torre

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#54. And now Kit’s cock – which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment – woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up. – Author: Amy Lane

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#55. Benji grinned back. “You’re being a real asshole today, Mr. Barnes. Well done – you been practicing?” Dad smiled, obviously relaxed. “Yeah, you know, kid, a few minutes a day, you can work that muscle with the best of them. – Author: Amy Lane

#56. That’s because Narnia was a Christian allegory pretending to be a fantasy series, you asshole,” said one of the other boys. “C.S. Lewis never went through any doors. He didn’t know how it worked. He wanted to tell a story, and he’d probably heard about kids like us, and he made shit up. – Author: Seanan McGuire

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#57. Godzilla sized dick. – Author: C.M. Stunich

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#58. Free-flowing booze consumed by many Las Vegas visitors pours fuel on the asshole fire. – Author: Tim Dressen

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#59. It’s comfortable and not because he makes you happy – the guy’s a total asshole – but because you already know what to expect. You already know how he’ll hurt you. – Author: Laekan Zea Kemp

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#60. Everything he did, he did well, and as a result he was an accomplished asshole indeed. – Author: Douglas Preston

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#61. Fucking drunk driver had the balls to die too, so there’s really no one left to hate. The asshole was speeding and ran a stop sign while driving home, loaded, from some business meeting. – Author: Elle Aycart

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#62. Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume – which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile. – Author: J.R. Ward

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#63. And Lord did I push, for thee more hours
I pushed, I pushed so hard I shat,
Pushed so hard blood vessels burst
in my neck and in my chest, pushed so hard my asshole turned inside-out like a rosebud. – Author: Beth Ann Fennelly

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#64. I’d like to think that I’m not just making the point that I’m an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There’s no way of bringing up religion without sounding like an asshole. – Author: David Cross

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#65. I agree with Ten, Taggart said tight before his left fist came out and he punched Ten right in the nose. “Damn it. I just fixed my nose, asshole.” Ten put a hand to his face. He grabbed a napkin to wipe up the blood. – Author: Lexi Blake

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#66. Chivalry isn’t really dead you know.” “Oh?” “Nah. That guy’s just an asshole. – Author: Tammara Webber

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#67. I’m glad I struggled. I think I’d be an asshole if my money were anything other than the “new” kind. – Author: Amy Schumer

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#68. But it wasn’t fair that he was so good-looking. He was such an asshole, and not in a charming way. – Author: Lauren Conrad

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#69. You can’t make silly people stay away from you; all you can do is staying away from them. – Author: M.F. Moonzajer

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#70. Criminal defense really isn’t so different from proctology. In both fields, it’s one asshole after another. – Author: Emma Chase

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#71. To be a true poet is to become God.
I tried to explain this to my friends on Heaven’s Gate. ‘Piss, shit,’ I said. ‘Asshole motherfucker, goddamn shit goddamn. Cunt. Pee-pee cunt. Goddamn!’
They shook their heads and smiled, and walked away. Great poets are rarely understood in their own day. – Author: Dan Simmons

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#72. If you’re driving your car and someone winds the window down and gives you the finger and calls you an asshole, instead of giving him the finger back and calling him an asshole back, you just pull a funny face, and he doesn’t know how to react to that, because you’re using different rules. – Author: Steve Coogan

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#73. You’re an asshole.”
“And you’re a bitch,” he says. “A bitch with a kick-ass smile and eyes that can seriously screw with a guy’s head. – Author: Simone Elkeles

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#74. The Salton Sea is a huge dead lake south of Palm Springs. There’s a town there that’s the asshole of the armpit of the world. You’d fit right in. – Author: Neal Shusterman

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#75. He got the impression she might be a bit fucked up, but that had always been his type. The kind that would break your headlights, egg your house, spray paint ASSHOLE on your garage door. – Author: C.D. Breadner

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#76. Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole. – Author: Louis C.K.

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#77. Now get the fuck up off the ground so I can put you in it… like a coffin. Because you’ll be fucking dead after I kill you, you fucking asshole. – Author: Robert Kirkman

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#78. In some ways, blogging is like drinking – it gives a person permission to be a total asshole. – Author: Augusten Burroughs

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#79. Austin cupped her face then sighed. “I’m so glad you came into the shop that morning.”

“You were an asshole, but I love you anyway.”

“Legs, I’m still an asshole, but I love you too. – Author: Carrie Ann Ryan

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#80. He’d heard the saying hindsight was twenty-twenty, but that wasn’t accurate.
Hindsight was a stupid motherfucking asshole. – Author: Priscilla Glenn

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#81. Nick can do a pretty good nice, but it’s not the real deal. His is a thin, watery nice, a niceness-au-jus drizzled over a great big asshole sandwich. – Author: Melissa DeCarlo

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#82. Yes, I’m an asshole, but I’m your asshole now, princess, so learn to deal with it. – Author: Gabbie S. Duran

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#83. Could Pesto be his own observer? Interesting question. He used to like to raise his leg and study his asshole. It didn’t seem like this observation caused him to split into multiple cats with multiple assholes. – Author: Ruth Ozeki

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#84. I like people thinking I’m an asshole. Being an asshole is my life’s vocation; I’m a goddamned asshole professional. – Author: James Alan Gardner

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#85. The key is, how do you feel with the one asshole? They cannot be talked to. That’s why they are assholes. – Author: Steven Soderbergh

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#86. I am slowely realizing that Ginny’s parents are from tjhe planet Wow, Really? The ants weigh in: I tjhink you meant the planet Fucking Asshole. – Author: A.S. King

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#87. When I make fun of you, I strike just the right note. When you make fun of me, you’re an incredibly ungrateful asshole and you know why. – Author: Alec Sulkin

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#88. Pam: Claude, the mouthwateringly beautiful asshole? – Author: Charlaine Harris

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#89. Teach that asshole some manners.”
I winked at her and smiled. “Anything for you, baby. – Author: Jamie McGuire

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#90. Dope guac,” says some asshole, and I pick up a Dorito and shove it into the guac. There is nothing remarkable about this guac, about any guac, and California needs to calm the fuck down. They’re just avocados. Guac is guac and while sometimes it’s slimy and disgusting, it’s never delicious. – Author: Caroline Kepnes

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#91. Tell me you aren’t as perfect as you seem, Alex.” “Not even close to perfect.” His blue-gray eyes darkened. “Not a complete asshole either. – Author: Toni Anderson

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#92. I don’t mind assholes. It’s the dork I don’t trust. The dork is the one who’s trying to be whatever he thinks you want him to be. I trust the asshole cause you know where he’s gonna stand. – Author: Matthew McConaughey

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#93. You really can’t help being an asshole, can you?”
“I probably could, but it’s not worth the effort. – Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon

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#94. this particular category of asshole compounds temerity with obliviousness. – Author: Eduardo Sacheri

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#95. Sorry,” I muttered. “Just because you’re an asshole doesn’t mean I have to be a bitch. – Author: Jenna Black

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#96. It doesn’t matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool. – Author: Greg Proops

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#97. When I’m at home and I’m preparing my own food, it’s all gluten-free, or fish and it’s healthy, but when I go to someone else’s house, I’ll eat what they put in front of me because I don’t want to be an asshole. – Author: Bryan Fuller

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#98. We want to empower the doctors and patients to get all the other assholes out of the way,’ Clark had once told me, then laughed. ‘Except for us. One asshole in the middle. – Author: Michael Lewis

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#99. An’ you turn your back on your friend, you may as well go ahead an’ join the asshole squad, ’cause you just became one more reason why the damn world’s gone to hell. – Author: Garth Ennis

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