Best Ari Gold Quotes 2021

Best Ari Gold Quotes

1. ” You wanna hug it out? Let’s hug it out, bitch. ”

2. “Call me Helen Keller because I’m a f***ing miracle worker!”

3. “Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge”

4. “I drove to work today in an $80,000 Mercedes and I’m going home in a prop car from Fast and the Furious … my life is over!”

5. “We’re going to Hell, so bring your sunblock.”

6. “He’s never had a straight agent. If I’m going to be his first, I have to show him I’m a friend to the gay man. Lloyd, this is the big one.”

7. “I didn’t go to the Lakers game because they were playing the Bobcats. And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate, how to answer a question without a question, basic Humanity 101, which I thought, given your wall of diplomas, you could easily fix, or if you couldn’t, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me? I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with, and just so we’re clear, I don’t care about ANY of them. They’re all just a number, like wife number one and therapist number seven. GOOD DAY!”

8.“Nobody’s happy in this town except for the losers. Look at me, I’m miserable, that’s why I’m rich.”

9.“Silence is f***ing golden.”

10.“You fire a guy you create a rival. You fire a woman you create a housewife.”

11. “Sundance is a great festival for little people. You should kill over there!”

12. “Sacrifice, Lloyd! Like the Kamikaze pilots used to do.”

13.“Today, and only today, I’m gonna open up my doors like Ellis f***ing Island.”

14. “Wish I could return the compliment E, but I’d rather come back as one of Michael Vic’s dogs.”

15. “You’re fired, and in case your ears are f***ed, Get. The F**k. Out! And the next person I see juggling, tap dancing, or baton twirling or doing any other circus-like tricks, will join him, all right? One-strike policy applies. Now get back to work!”

16. “Speak or I will intern you like it’s 1942.”

17.“Hemorrhoids cause discomfort, Alen. This is more like open heart surgery.”

18.“Lloyd, I want you to pledge your undying loyalty to me.”

19.“You’re Tom? Lloyd’s Tom? I don’t get it. You’re a good looking guy, you could get girls.”

20. Eric: “Do you ever tell the truth, Ari?”
Ari: “I tell the parts that matter.”

Ari Gold Quotes

“Don’t waste time worrying about work/life balance, or looking for your best self, sham “secrets” or any other snake oil being pushed by sloppy hippies who have never built a business, let alone a bankroll, or you will wake up 20 years from now poor, pissed off and primed for a midlife crisis.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By
“First, if you participate in Movember, fuck you. Second, if you want to raise money for prostate cancer (a noble cause), do it the old-fashioned way, by either begging for it or exerting yourself physically for donations. Sitting on your ass and letting nature take its course above your upper lip is not the same thing as running a 10K at a local high school or breaking out the set of power tools your dad gave you as a housewarming present collecting dust in your garage and using them to go out and build a habitat for humanity.

Maybe I can raise money for rectal cancer by getting people to pledge a dollar every time I take a shit.

And third no one wants to see that horrific seventies pornstache growing like a caterpillar with cerebral palsy zigzagging across your face; you look like you’re about to go door to door informing people that you’re a registered sex offender who’s just moved in next door and would their kids like to come out and was your windowless van for a dollar?

Fuck Movember. And November.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By

“There’s a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It’s so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over all night trying to start a fire only to finally succeed just to have your beard go up in flames? No aloe vera back then.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By
“To be successful, you need friends. To be very successful, you need enemies.”
― Ari Gold
“Happiness is a booty call: available and satisfying, but after a few hours, you’re ready to call an Uber and get back to your real commitments.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By
“The idea that someone could, or would want to, experience uninterrupted happiness over a period of days, let alone years, is ludicrous.

Anyone who feels pleasant and bubbly all the time is either mentally disabled or hooked on crack.

Money, on the other hand, is steady. You can spend it, invest it or light a little bit on fire in an intern’s ass. Either way, money gets to sleep over.

Money is a resource that makes it easier for you to find your purpose and achieve your goals, not because you are buying happiness, but because you are eliminating the desperation that drains happiness and distracts you from your purpose.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By

“Retirement isn’t a goal; it’s a sentence.”
― Ari Gold

Ari Gold’s Best Quotes

In honor of the “Entourage” movie coming out this summer, here’s a reminder of character Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven). Ari is a dirty-mouthed go-getter, but No. 1 when it comes to being Vincent Chase’s (Adrian Grenier) agent. Here are his very Ari Gold quotes throughout the series (and these are the milder ones).

1. I gotta know what you think so I can get you to think what I think.” (Season 1, Episode 1)

2. “Call me Helen Keller because I’m a f****** miracle worker.” (Season 1, Episode 5)

3. Answering the phone: “You got Gold.” (Season 2, Episode 8)

4. After being fired: “I drove to work today in an $80,000 Mercedes and I’m going home in a prop car from ‘Fast and Furious.’” (Season 2, Episode 13)

5. About the valley: “We’re going to hell, so bring your sunblock.” (Season 3, Episode 2)

READ MORE: ‘Entourage’ Movie Preview

6. To Vince about E (Kevin Connolly): “You know that your man has broken out of the Oompa-Loompa factory and is up to no good?” (Season 4, Episode 3)

7. “I parted the Red Sea for you, E, now don’t piss on the sand.” (Season 4, Episode 6)

8. To Vince: “This town loves a comeback, and since Britney f***** hers up, it’s all you.” (Season 5, Episode 2)

9. “A shattered world is what you get when you mess with Ari Gold.” (Season 5, Episode 3)

10. To Lloyd (Rex Lee) “I mean, who could possibly replace the way that you picked up my dry cleaning? No one!…So, return to the king…” (Season 6, Episode 12)

Ari Gold Quotes

  • “If all of this is not taken care of, I’ll choke you out with a strap-on!”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 2: An Offer Refused
  • “I hate the beach. I hate the ocean. I hate the sand. But, I love sharks.”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
  • Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot with no guts.

    Ari: Geez, you’re gonna spin off this planet. I love it!”

     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
  • “You think there’s anything in this fucking universe that you know about that I don’t know about?”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: The Script and the Sherpa
  • “Aquaman, baby!! It is Spiderman… underwater. Boooom!”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 2: The Boys Are Back in Town
  • “You ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
  • Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C’mon, the guy’s not even Hispanic.

    Ari: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That’s what actors do. They pretend.”

     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 2: The Boys Are Back in Town
  • Mrs Ari: I want three weeks in the south of France with the children.

    Ari: Oh my God baby, of course you can go.

    Mrs Ari: With you. And if you’re not home by 2AM, I’m gonna be standing at the gate screaming ‘Ari Gold, super agent, forgot his Viagra.’”

     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 2: Aquamansion
  • “Who are we without our integrity, right?”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 2: Aquamansion
  • “Call me Helen Keller ’cause I’m a fucking miracle worker.”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: The Script and the Sherpa
  • “You want a medal or are you a coward?”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: Busey and the Beach
  • “Lets hug it out, you little bitch.”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: New York
  • “You got my balls tingling, man.”
     Ari Gold, Entourage, Season 1: Entourage
“Loving your work doesn’t mean finding a job you can tolerate for eight hours a day, but rather a job that gets you flying out of bed in the morning like a Jack Russell who just had a firecracker stuffed up his ass.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By
“Hookers, Hondas and Hollywood all approach customers with a different mindset than the rest of the business world. Whereas most businesses talk about the importance of “customer service,” agents, mechanics and people of the night talk about “servicing customers.”

It is an important distinction, as customer service is generally a reactive process in which professionals and businesses respond to the needs of their clients, while servicing customers involves exploration to discover what the customer needs in order to start firing all the cylinders.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By

“Fight, fight, fight and get that money, money, money. ’Cause happiness can’t buy even a nickel.”
― Ari Gold, The Gold Standard: Rules to Rule By

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