21 JUMP STREET QUOTES

• Captain Dickson: Rule number 2 on Jump Street. Burns.

  Burns: Do not have sexual relations with students or teachers, sir.

  Captain Dickson: You hear that? That’s you. Don’t do it man. Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don’t fuck no students. Don’t fuck no teachers.

  Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of lady killers, but i promise you we’ll be super professional at the job.

  Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn’t talking to you big titties. You cherub-looking mother fucker.
• Annie Schmidt: I love dick? You think that’s funny? Wonder Years douche? What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into an eight year old’s mouth?

  Jenko: Kind of looks like…an airplane…throwing up.

  Annie Schmidt: You think I don’t know that’s a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I used to party with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!
• Jenko: I didn’t punch him because he was gay. I punched him…and then he happened to turn out to be gay afterwards.
• Deputy Chief Hardy: You going anywhere Schmidt? We’ve got time.

  Schmidt: I had a thing but I could probably push it back
• Domingo: You don’t look like cops. You look like kids on the Halloween.

  Jenko: Do you want me to beat your dick off?

  Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?

  Jenko: Yeah I’ll beat your dick off, both hands. Let’s go.

  Domingo: That’s just sick man.

  Schmidt: I think what he means is he is gonna punch you so many times in the genital area that your dick is just gonna fall off.
• Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you say, You have the right to be an attorney?

  Schmidt: He could be an attorney if he wants.
• Eric Molson: You know what happens to a handsome guy like me in jail?! It rhymes with grape! It rhymes with grape.
• Molly Tracey: Hey Brad. Whoah! What are you wearing?

  Molly Tracey: Hey Brad. Whoa! What are you wearing?

  Jenko: Potassium Nitrate, thanks for noticing.
• Schmidt: You know how Tom Cruise is always pissed off at Rainman? That’s my life, except Brad is really shitty at math.
• Annie Schmidt: What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into an eight-year old’s mouth?

  Jenko: It could be, like, an airplane throwing up.

  Annie Schmidt: You think I don’t know that’s a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I used to party with Robert Downey Jr , when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!
• Jenko: Can I go take a dump?
• Schmidt: It’s like seven strangers living in one house true story!

  Schmidt: It’s like seven strangers living in one house. True story!
• Jenko: How about a pound of coke?

  Schmidt: We’re trying to show them a good time. Not ruin their fucking lives!

  Jenko: Pound of marijuana?

  Schmidt: Best party ever!
• Captain Dickson: You’ll find yourself in prison. With a snorkel, duct-taped to the mouth. And me, shitting down that snorkel!

  Schmidt: That’s extremely vivid, thank you.
• Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I’m gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.

  Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!

  Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!

  Schmidt: Yes!

  Jenko: No!
• Domingo: If it’s good you hear from me. If it’s not good you hear from me about telling you how it’s not good.
• Captain Dickson: Since Captain Dickson: Enough, already. Enough. New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self esteem, I’m a send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.

  Jenko: I love disneyland.

  Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are goin’ to college!
• French Samuels: You look really young, were you held back or something?

  French Samuels: You look really old, were you held back or something?

  Jenko: No, you look really young. Were you held forward?
• Schmidt: It looks like I died in a car accident and you guys haven’t gotten over it yet.
• Eric Molson: You made me this friendship bracelet.

  Jenko: Well he’s not really your friend, he was pretending the whole time.

  Eric Molson: I’m gonna cut this the fuck off later alright!
• Jenko: It’s gonna explode, roll your window up!!

  Jenko: It’s gonna explode, roll your window up!

  Schmidt: What the fuck is that gonna do??

  Schmidt: What the fuck is that gonna do?
• Captain Dickson: *flipping through files

  Captain Dickson: [flipping through files]

  Captain Dickson: Schmidt, says you were a virgin through high school.

  Schmidt: It says that!?

  Captain Dickson: No, I just assumed it!
• Jenko: I would no strap it if it was possible.

  Jenko: Seriously, I’d have no strap if that would even be possible.
• Jenko: Do you want to die?

  Schmidt: No….

  Schmidt: No…

  Jenko: Then we have to finger each other’s throats. Okay? Go!
• Jenko: (receives a test with a 44%) God, what bullshit.

  Jenko: [receives a test with a 44%] God, what bullshit.

  Schmidt: (receives a test with a perfect score)

  Schmidt: [receives a test with a perfect score]

  Jenko: Damn, your good at this….wanna be friends?
• Schmidt: We’re not sitting around… POPPING each others’ zzasholes.
• Jenko: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor, carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider. : Fuck you science!

  Jenko: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor, carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider.
• Captain Dickson: When I’m talking to him, I’m talking to him. When I say shut the fuck up, I’m talking to you!
• Jenko: You’re a Goddamn rockstar. Do you feel that? Goddamn your so cool. You just shot him in the dick. I’ve never seen that. Who does that?
• Jenko: Are you ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers?

  Schmidt: I am.
• Ms. Griggs: Let me check your chest, I mean test.
• Schmidt: You’re a girl.

  Molly Tracey: I am. That’s why I’m wearing this pretty dress, to remind you.
• Captain Dickson: (to Schmidt) When I’m talking about having sex, I’m talking about Handsome McGee. When I’m talking about shutting the fuck up, I’m talking to your insecure ass.

  Captain Dickson: [to Schmidt] When I’m talking about having sex, I’m talking about Handsome McGee. When I’m talking about shutting the fuck up, I’m talking to your insecure ass.
• Schmidt: The doctor thought I was going to spontaneously grow a vagina.

  Schmidt: The doctor thought I was gonna spontaneously grow a vagina.
• Jenko: You look like a young Jay Leno.
• Captain Dickson: You guys are hear cuz you look young. You some Justin Beaver, Miley Cyrus lookin motherfuckers.

  Schmidt: (whispering) God, this guy is sassy.

  Schmidt: [whispering] God, this guy is sassy.
• Jenko: Look, you’re hot, and you’re a fuckin slut, but I gotta shoot people right now.

  Melodie: You think Im hot?
• Jenko: Ap Chemistry, Bitch!

  Jenko: Ap chemistry. Bitch!
• Eric Molson: get in the fucking car now

  Eric Molson: Get in the fucking car now!

  Jenko: not until you ask nicely

  Jenko: Not until you ask nicely.

  Eric Molson: please get in the car

  Eric Molson: Please get in the car.
• Captain Dickson: Goddamn…Infiltrate the Dealers, find the Suppliers!

  Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

  Jenko: But if we find the supplier first, we don’t have to worry about the dealers.

  Captain Dickson: God damn. [slams desk]
• Hamilton Principal: You punched a little black gay kid and its not even second period, how do you explain that?
• Principal Dadier: I’m one more Little gay black kid getting slapped in the face away from a nervous breakdown.
• Captain Dickson: This kid was white, so people actually give a shit.
• Schmidt: This feels like the end of Die hard, but this is real life!

  Jenko: Which one?

  Schmidt: The 3rd one Samuel Jackson style.

  Jenko: Fuck yeah!
• Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of ladykillers, but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.

  Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn’t talkin’ to you, big titties! You cherub lookin’ motherfucker. I was talkin’ to your partner over here, Fake ass handsome McGee! When I’m talkin’ to him, I’m talkin’ to him. When I say, shut the fuck up, I’m talkin’ to you.

  Schmidt: Cool
• Schmidt: We’re not finger poppin’ each other’s assholes. What we are doing is getting shit done.
• Mr. Walters: Don’t throw the baton, you jackass!
• Jenko: They don’t serve vegan in prison, Bitch.
• Eric Molson: It rhymes with grape..
• Schmidt: were like in the end of die hard right now only its our actual life

  Schmidt: We’re like, in the end of ‘Die Hard’ right now, only it’s our actual life!
• Captain Dickson: “You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin’ muthafuckers.”

  Captain Dickson: You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin’ muthafuckers.
• Jenko: ONE PARTICLE OF UNOBTANIUM HAS A NUCLEAR REACTION WITH THE FLUX CAPACITOR, CARRY THE TWO, CHANGING ITS ATOMIC ISOTOPE INTO A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER. FUCK YOU SCIENCE.

  Jenko: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux … carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider.
• Jenko: You are fine as shit! Don’t worry, Someone will pick you up!
• Captain Dickson: There’s rumors, On the tweetosphere, that yall throwing a part.
• Captain Dickson: Are yall throwin a party?

  Captain Dickson: There’s rumors, In the tweetosphere, And if my officers are caught giving alcohol to the minors, the’ll find themselves in prison, with a snorkel duck-taped to their mouth, and me, shitting down that snorkel!

  Schmidt: Its extremely vivid, thank you!
• Captain Dickson: And as you can see, this kid is white. That means, people actually give a shit.

  Captain Dickson: Sir, I just wanna throw out to you that I would give a shit if he was black.
• Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of ladykillers, but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.

  Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn’t talkin’ to you, big titties! You cherub lookin’ motherfucker. I was talkin’ to your partner over here, Fake ass handsome McGee! When I’m talkin’ to him, I’m talkin’ to him. When I say, shut the fuck up, I’m talkin’ to you.

  Schmidt: Cool.
• Captain Dickson: (To Jenko) You hear that? That’s you.Don’t do it, man. Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don’t fuck no students. Don’t fuck no teachers.

  Captain Dickson: [to Jenko] You hear that? That’s you. Don’t do it, man. Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Don’t fuck no students. Don’t fuck no teachers.
• Captain Dickson: Didn’t somebody tell you tell you guys this was a undercover unit?

  Schmidt: I don’t…I actually didn’t…I didn’t get a letter or anything. Or a dress code…

  Jenko: Yeah, like…

  Captain Dickson: Teenage the fuck up!
• Captain Dickson: Everybody comfortable?

  Schmidt: Yeah.

  Captain Dickson: Get your motherfuckin’ ass up when I’m talkin’!

  Captain Dickson: You will be going undercover as high school students. You are here simply because you look young. You some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin’ motherfuckers.
• Captain Dickson: Schmidt, Say’s you were a Virgin through high school

  Schmidt: It Says that?

  Captain Dickson: No. I just Assumed it!
• Captain Dickson: The mission is quick and simple: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

  Schmidt: Wait so we get to be brothers?

  Captain Dickson: (shakes his head in annoyance and smashes the desk.) Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

  Captain Dickson: [shakes his head in annoyance and smashes the desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

  Jenko: Wait if we find the supplier first then we don’t have to worry about the dealers.

  Captain Dickson: Goddamn. (smashes the desk even harder.) INFILTRATE THE DEALERS!! FIND THE SUPPLIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Captain Dickson: Goddamn. [smashes the desk even harder] INFILTRATE THE DEALERS! FIND THE SUPPLIER!
• Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump St., 37 Jump St. Nah, that doesn’t sound right. Is it……..

  Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump St., 37 Jump St. Nah, that doesn’t sound right. Is it…
• Schmidt: Are you saying we’re a covalent bond?

  Jenko: No dude, we’re not atoms!
• Schmidt: Jenko, do you wanna go to prom with me?
• Captain Dickson: i wasnt talking to you not so Slim Shaddy!

  Captain Dickson: I wasn’t talking to you not so Slim Shaddy!
• Captain Dickson: Hey! Hey! Stop fuckin with korean jesus. he aint got time for your problems, hes busy with korean shit!
• Captain Dickson: Embrace yo stereotypes!
• Jenko: Fuck you Glee.
• Eric Molson: Your a cop. You lied to me.

  Schmidt: I’m sorry, man.

  Eric Molson: But you bought us Taco Bell.
• Schmidt: Where did you learn how to do that?

  Jenko: AP CHEMISTRY BITCH!!

  Jenko: AP CHEMISTRY BITCH!
• Schmidt: Have some fairy dust motherfucker!!
• Jenko: Fuck you Science!

  Jenko: Fuck you science!
• Eric Molson: ….it rhymes with grape!
• Captain Dickson: Theres gonna be a snorkle taped to your mouth and at the other end ima be shittinG down that tube..

  Captain Dickson: Theres gonna be a snorkle taped to your mouth and at the other end ima be shitting down that tube..
• Captain Dickson: Don’t you be fucking with Korean Jesus! He’s busy with Korean shit!
• Schmidt: Hey Korean Jesus, I don’t know if you only cater to Koreans, or even exist.
• Schmidt: Aroma of Christ Church?
• Mr. Gordon: You’ll never know what you can’t achieve, until you don’t achieve it.
• Jenko: This house is adorable!
• Schmidt: Have some fairy dust..MOTHER FUCKER!

  Schmidt: Have some fairy dust motherfucker!
• Schmidt: i really thought that was going to explode…

  Schmidt: I really thought that was going to explode.
• Jenko: Dont feed the ducks…dont do it!

  Jenko: Dont feed the ducks… don’t do it!
• Schmidt: You guys called the cops to get your frisbee out of the pond? Is this really a police matter?

  Jenko: (goes to hand frisbee back to the boy, turns around and throws it back in the pond)

  Jenko: [goes to hand frisbee back to the boy, turns around and throws it back in the pond]

  Jenko: Get your own f*cking frisbee!
• Jenko: Fuck you Glee

  Jenko: Fuck you, Glee!
• Jenko: You have the right to remain silent MOTHER FUCKER!

  Jenko: You have the right to remain silent, MOTHER FUCKER!
• Schmidt: Man… I thought this job would have more car chases and shit…
• Schmidt: Will you go to prom with me?
• Jenko: Doves make you look bad-ass!
• Jenko: FUCK YOU SCIENCE!
• Captain Dickson: â??Can you two stop fucking with the Korean Jesus!

  Captain Dickson: Can you two stop fucking with the Korean Jesus!
• Schmidt: When did I get stabbed?! That’s awesome!

  Schmidt: When did I get stabbed?! That’s awesome!
• Captain Dickson: You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin’ motherfuckers. You will be going in as undercover high school students.
• Domingo: You guys even real cops? You look like kids in Halloween

  Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?

  Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?

  Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he’s gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that your dick’s just gonna fall off.
• Mr. Walters: Put your tongue back in your mouth.
• Mr. Walters: “When did you go through puberty? Like at 7 or something.”

  Mr. Walters: When did you go through puberty? Like at 7 or something.

  Mr. Walters: When did you go through puberty? Like at seven or something.
• Ms. Griggs: Let me check out your chest… Let me check out your test.
• Captain Dickson: Do you even know the Miranda rights?

  Jenko: It obviously starts with… you have the right to… remain an attorney…

  Captain Dickson: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?

  Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to…