Halloween Jokes For Kids: Do you know about my obsession with (awesomely funny) lame dad jokes? You know – the sort of jokes that make everyone laugh out loud, whilst simultaneously rolling their eyes? I love them! So I’ve gathered 48 of my favourite, kid-friendly, spooky jokes.
I originally collated this list for JJ’s Spooky Sixth birthday party. But now that Halloween is coming up, I’m pulling it out again, to add a few jokes to JJ’s lunchbox. Nothing like a ghoulish lunchtime giggle!
(See below for a printable version).
Spooky Jokes for Kids
- On which day are ghosts most scary? Fright-day!
- What do witches put in their hair? Scare spray!
- What do spooks with poor eyesight wear? Spook-tacles!
- What day do ghosts do their howling? On Moan-day!
- Did you hear about the monster who ate his own house? He was homesick.
- What do you call a hairy monster in a river? A weir-wolf!
- How did the vampire race finish? Neck and neck!
- Where does the witch’s frog sit? On a toadstool.
- What is a skeleton’s favourite instrument? A trombone.
- How do ghosts go from floor to floor? By scare-case!
- What noise does a witch’s breakfast cereal make? Snap, cackle and pop!
- What do you call two witches who share a room? Broom mates!
- What type of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated!
- What do witches race on? Vroomsticks!
- How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
- Did you hear about the untidy cemetery? You wouldn’t want to be caught dead in there!
- Why did the ghost go to the sales? Because they were bargain haunters!
- What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
- Which boats do vampires travel in? Blood vessels.
- Why didn’t the skeleton jump off the roof? He didn’t have the guts.
- Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after his bones!
- Why don’t skeletons play music in church? Because they have no organs!
- What do you get when you cross the Abominable Snowman and pasta? Spag-yeti!
- What do ghosts turn on in summer? The scare-conditioner!
- Why did the zombie decide to stay in his coffin? He felt rotten.
- Why do ghosts hate rain? It dampens their spirits.
- What do you call a witch that lives at the beach? A sand witch!
- How do you make a witch scratch? Take away the ‘w’!
- What is a spook’s favourite ride? A roller-ghoster!
- What is a vampire’s favourite fruit? Necktarines!
- What is a ghost’s favourite dessert? Boo-berries and I Scream!
- What is a ghost’s favourite bedtime story? Little Boo Peep!
- What kind of mistake does a ghost make? A boo-boo!
- Why do they have a fence around the graveyard? Because everyone is dying to get in!
- What did the wizard say to the twin witches? Which witch is which?
- What does a ghost do when he gets in the car? Puts his sheet belt on!
- Why are vampires so unpopular? Because they are pains in the neck!
- Why did Dr Jekyll cross the road? To get to the other Hyde!
- Who did the monster take to the Halloween dance? His ghoul friend!
- How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin!
- What bear goes around scaring other animals? Winnie the Boo!
- What game do young ghosts love? Hide and shriek!
- What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-etti.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Witches. Witches who? Witches the way home?
- Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
- What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo!
- What does a skeleton say before dinner? Bone appetit!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
My sense of humour may be a bit skewed, but seriously, these crack me up!
(This printable is a 2 paged, A4-sized, pdf file. You will need a pdf reader to open it. If you are printing on US ‘letter-sized’ paper, select ‘fit’ or ‘shrink to fit’ from your printer options. This printable is for personal use only. You may not sell, share, or link directly to this file.)
You’ve got your doorway tricked out and Halloween candy in order. Now it’s time for some good old-fashioned fun that is definitely not scary. Halloween doesn’t have to be all about the scare: it’s a great time to yuk it up with silly jokes for kids. We’ve rounded up a list of sweet and funny Halloween jokes for kids that are sure to bring on jack-o’-lantern grins. Scroll down to start laughing (and groaning).
1. Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?
His heart wasn’t in it.
2. What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
3. What kind of music do mummies love?
4. How do ghosts wash their hair?
5. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
6. What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
7. What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
8. What does a witch use to do her hair?
9. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
10. What room does a ghost not need?
A living room.
11. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A pumpkin patch.
photo: Daria Shatova via Unsplash
12. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
If you are a mouse.
13. What do you call two witches living together?
14. What happens when a vampire goes in the snow?
15. What’s big, scary and has three wheels?
A monster riding a tricycle!
16. Why don’t vampires have more friends?
Because they are a pain in the neck.
17. What position does a ghost play in hockey?
18. What do you call a witch who goes to the beach?
19. What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?
20. What kinds of pants do ghosts wear?
21. Why did the zombie skip school?
He felt rotten.
photo: Mathew Schwartz via Unsplash
22. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
—Rianna G., age 10
23. What did the little boy say when she had to choose between a tricycle and candy?
Trike or Treat!
24. What instrument does a skeleton play?
25. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
26. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no “body” to dance with.
27. What candy do you eat on the playground?
28. What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A blood hound.
29. What is a ghost’s nose full of?
30. What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or Tweet!
31. Are black cats bad luck?
Only if you’re a mouse.
32. Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?
People are just dying to get in.
33. Why do skeletons stay so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
34.Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because there was noBody on the other side.
—Grandpa Jo, 54
35. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
36. Why was the broom late?
37. What does an evil hen lay?
38. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
39. Where do vampires keep their money?
The blood bank.
40. What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat?