Halloween Jokes: Halloween may be the spookiest time of the year, but it’s also a holiday for candy-filled fun and laughter — especially with the best Halloween jokes to get the monsters and ghouls giggling all night! After carving some pumpkins and filling up on the best Halloween desserts, give the kids another treat (this time in the form of laughter!) with these hilarious jokes for Halloween, ranging from clever knock-knock jokes to punny jokes about spooky monsters.
Happy Halloween! We dare you not to scream with laughter when you read these funny Halloween jokes by Boys’ Life readers. Do you know a funny Halloween joke?
Joe: What do you call wood when it’s scared?
Bob: I don’t know.
Joe: Petrified!
Joke submitted by Daniel B., Lincoln, Neb.
Comic by Daryll Collins
Michael: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
Matthew: I don’t know. What?
Michael: Candy corneas.
Joke submitted by Michael and Matthew A., Elba, N.Y.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Jenna: What did the vampire say to the ghost at the Halloween party?
Brenna: What?
Jenna: “Come on! Why don’t you live a little?”
Joke submitted by Jenna C., Columbia, Mo.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Joke submitted by Jacob S., Lebanon, Ore.
Comic by Scott Nickel
A book never written: “All That’s Left of Me” by Myra Maines.
Joke submitted by Kieran F., Emporia, Kan.
Brett: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Brett: Wrap music!
Joke submitted by Brent J., Upper Arlington, Ohio
Comic by Scott Nickel
Spencer: What plants like Halloween the most?
Tanner: Which ones?
Spencer: Bam-BOO!
Joke submitted by Tanner S., Tampa, Fla.
Bill: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
McKenzie: Why?
Bill: It didn’t have a haunting license.
Joke submitted by Howard H., Newark, Calif.
Comic by Daryll Collins
Sarah: What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
Brian: Tell me.
Sarah: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Joke submitted by Sarah O., Springfield, Mo.
Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Sam: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Joke submitted by Maxwell C.
Comic by Scott Nickel
John: Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
Mark: Why?
John: He didn’t have the stomach for it!
Joke submitted by John C., Houston, Texas
Sam: What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
Frank: I don’t know.
Sam: The “grim sweeper.”
Joke submitted by Sam M., Pittsburgh, Pa.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Chris: What’s worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween?
Jill: No clue. Hit me with it.
Chris: Being her broom!
Joke submitted by Christian H., Fredericksburg, Va.
Daffynition: Pocahontas — A card game that comes back to scare you.
Joke submitted by Omkar S., San Jose, Calif.
Comic by Thomastoons
Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Joke submitted by Jacob C., O’Fallon, Ill.
Darius: What part of the street do vampires live on?
Chad: I don’t know.
Darius: The dead end.
Joke submitted by Darius C., Columbia, Md.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Joke submitted by Chris S., Centennial, Colo.
Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game on Halloween?
Francisco: What?
Everett: Hide-and-ghost-seek.
Joke submitted by Everett C., Tequesta, Fla.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Rich: Why do they put fences around graveyards?
Mitch: Tell me.
Rich: Because people are dying to get in!
Joke submitted by Richard D., Granville, Ohio
Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Woody: Why?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Joke submitted by Matthew R., Dix Hills, N.Y.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Belia: What?
Joshua: Bamboo.
Joke submitted by Joshua T., Cheltenham, Pa.
Gavin: What do you call a tired skeleton on Halloween?
Connor: Beats me.
Gavin: The “grim sleeper.”
Joke submitted by Gavin H., Stoughton, Mass.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tom: What?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Joke submitted by Joshua N., Napoleon, Ohio
Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Joke submitted by Steven G., Virginia Beach, Va.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Kirk: Why do mummies have no friends?
Mike: Why
Kirk: Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves!
Joke submitted by Kirk J., Bothell, Wash.
Tom Swiftie: “That ghost movie was horrible!” Tom booed.
Joke submitted by Zakir G., Los Angeles, Calif.
Comic by Thomastoons
Aidan: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Boo and Gold.
Aidan: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: I give up.
Aidan: Brew and Gold.
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Taylor: What?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
Joke submitted by Aidan T., Mount Airy, Md.
Stephen: What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him?
David: I haven’t a clue.
Stephen: “I can see right through you.”
Joke submitted by Stephen S., Knoxville, Tenn.
Comic by Jon Carter
A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Joke submitted by Jet S., Ooltewah, Tenn.
Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
Thomas: Why?
Jess: It dampens their spirits!
Joke submitted by Jess W., Spartanburg, S.C.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Race: Monster-ella!
Joke submitted by Daniel B., Tyler, Tex.
Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks for Halloween?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Joke submitted by Matthew C., Gladstone, Mo.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Joke submitted by Billy J., Hershey, Pa.
Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Joke submitted by Sam C., San Antonio, Tex.
Steve: What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter?
Paul: What?
Steve: Pumpkin-pi!
Joke submitted by Steve H., Sagamore Hills, Ohio
Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Joke submitted by Dale K., Somerset, Pa.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bob: What?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Joke submitted by Eric H., San Diego, Calif.
Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Joke submitted by Christopher F., Wildwood, Mo.
Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Selena: Why?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
Joke submitted by Gracie Y., Los Gatos, Calif.
A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Joke submitted by Coleton M., Cary, N.C.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Joke submitted by Zac D., Danville, Calif.
Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Brent: Why?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Joke submitted by Trenton G., Shaftsbury, Vt.
Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Red: What?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
Joke submitted by Sam M., Greensboro, N.C.
Todd: What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
Leanne: What?
Todd: The xylabone.
Joke submitted by Todd F., Indianapolis, Ind.
Ben: What do you call a kind and considerate monster?
Jonathan: What?
Ben: A complete failure.
Joke submitted by Benjamin M., Rancho Cordova, Calif.
Comic by Daryll Collins
Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tom: What?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Joke submitted by Tim T., Whitehall, N.Y.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Daffynition: Retreat — To get another piece of candy on Halloween.
Joke submitted by Anthony P., Watkinsville, Ga.
Tom Swiftie: “I’m not eating too much candy,” Tom said sweetly.
Joke submitted by Kevin A., St. Louis, Mo.
Pam: What kind of phone do witches use?
Sam: What kind?
Pam: A touch-toad phone.
Joke submitted by Pam A., Wasilla, Alaska
Cresencio: What was the witch’s favorite subject in school?
Chris: What?
Cresencio: Spelling.
Joke submitted by Cresencio A., Norwalk, Calif.
Jayden: What is a panda’s favorite Halloween food?
Cayden: What?
Jayden: Bam-BOO!
Joke submitted by Jayden V., Westerly, Rhode Island
Not sure which one will tickle the most funny bones at this year’s Halloween party? No matter your audience’s sense of humor, these Halloween jokes, puns, and one-liners will delight scaredy-cats and thrill-seekers alike — and will definitely have all the witches cackling and all the werewolves howling with laughter for the silliest Halloween yet. And if you’re looking for even more ideas to fill your holiday with laughter and fun, be sure to check out our best Halloween games, Halloween crafts, and more!
Halloween Trick or Treat Jokes
- What do birds say on Halloween? “Trick or tweet!”
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with.
- Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy? At the ghost-ery store!
- What do owls say when they go trick or treating? “Happy Owl-ween!”
- What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters? Booberries!
- Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with? His ghoul friend.
- What Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE!
- What do witches put on to go trick or treating? Mas-scare-a.
- What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy? “Trick-or-feet!”
- Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat? Boo jeans.
- What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which!
Halloween Knock Knock Jokes
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Boo! Boo who? Don’t cry … it’s just my Halloween costume!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!
- Knock Knock! Who’s there? Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes a very Halloween bad joke!
- Knock Knock! Who’s there? Olive! Olive who? Olive your Halloween costume!
- Knock Knock! Who’s there? Bee! Bee who? Bee-ware, there’s a full moon this Halloween!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter open quick, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you!
- Knock Knock! Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!
- Knock Knock! Who’s there? Hans. Hans who? Hans off my candy!
- Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana Who? Ivana suck your blood!
- Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Ben! Ben who? Ben waiting for Halloween all year!
Halloween Monster Jokes
- What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
- How do you make a skeleton laugh? You tickle his funny bone!
- Which Halloween monster is good at math? Count Dracula!
- Why did the Cyclops give up teaching? He only had one pupil!
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to see a scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
- What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? “You sure are boo-tiful!”
- Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank.
- Why are ghosts terrible liars? You can see right through them!
- Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid to unwind.
- What is a vampire’s favorite holiday, besides Halloween? Fangs-giving!
- Where do fashionable ghosts shop? Bootiques!
- What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet!
Halloween Food Jokes
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream.
- What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal? “Bone Appetit!”
- What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
- What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
- What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-ghetti!
- What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs.
- What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
- What tops off a mummy’s ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite yogurt flavor? Boo-berry!
- What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? A steak!
- Why was the candy corn booed off the stage? All of his jokes were too corny!
